The Double Life

“If you can’t forgive yourself for who you are, how can you expect to forgive other people for what they’ve done?”

It’s not that easy living a double life. People think they got the real you when only they know a small part of you. It’s not that one side is a façade either, it’s still part of who you are, depending on the circumstances and conditions.

The sad thing is that I’ve spent a long time trying to bring the two parts of my halves into a complete whole. I thought I had it licked as well. I guess not. When the push comes to a shove, we go back to our natural instinct to protect ourselves. We work on what we know best to make sure that life goes on and we keep functioning.

Sometimes though, what we know best doesn’t always work well with the people around us. People that aren’t supposed to be affect get caught in the crossfire. When that happens, it’s hard to turn to any one of our dual lives, fearing that the burden of dealing with the pain will only increase. So people get hurt, people you care for, people you love, even in secret. You drive them away believing that it’s their fault all the same.

When all has been said, done and the moments have passed, you can only hope that those people understand that it’s who you are. That actions carried out has with them motives pure of heart. Yet life is never so forgiving in its repercussions. We all make mistakes we have to owe up for. The question remains on whether or not you can start forgiving yourself, before you start asking the forgiveness of those whose bridges you ultimately set to burn.

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