It feels like it’s been so long since I last blogged, properly that is. Given that work has pretty much overtaken my life and the rigors of November’s NaNoWriMo took up basically every shred of free time that I have, my online catharsis has been somewhat neglected of late, much like almost every other personal blog that I’ve followed diligently over the years.
I suppose at the end of the day, as I grow up little by little, the need to rant diminishes with time, which when you think of it is completely opposite from the people around me who tend to rant and complain more as they get older. I guess, I’m starting to realise that sometimes there is no point in saying something when no one listens and nothing can be done. The best I can and know how to do is to endure and ride the waves out.
That’s not to say that there is nothing happening in my life. Far from it in fact. It feels like there is a mountain of woe on my shoulders and every single day is a constant struggle to stay somewhat lucid and aware enough so that the day’s end doesn’t result in me having someone killed. I do in fact feel that I’ve been thrown into the deep end of the pond without any knowledge of how to swim while at the same time carrying what amounts to my own weight, on my back.
There was a time when stuff like that will result in a long down and out post that I’m apparently known for but, as I’m writing this, it just feels like I have no time to, well… feel. Maybe when daylight makes way for the darkness of the night and when all winds down after a hard day’s works, I can bring myself to feel depressed, but even those times are taken over by my regular late shifts.
It’s odd that the ballast and anchor for my own depression is the constant workload that threatens to wear me out to the bone, but there have been stranger remedies for our own mental state of mind. For now, I’ll do what I can to keep writing in spite of my full plate, after all this blog has always been the last bastion for my own emotional outlet. Maybe one day though, that might all change, but I don’t see that coming any time soon.
So here we have the empty lull of my life. The calm surface in which there is a measure of consistency and serenity, one that masks a darker, more chaotic layer. One I will share with you one day, but not today.