It’s hard to believe that the year is finally drawing to an end. It’s harder to believe that looking back on all that’s been done and gone, so much has happened within the year enough to change the entire perspective on how I redefine and live my own life.
Yet…for some reason.
I feel no different than I was one year ago.
Oh don’t get me wrong. Up there in the great mass of my noodle, there is enough memories to go around. Let’s see what has happened to me during the past year.
1. I broke up with my ex of a year and a half.
2. I realised I am in love with my best friend of more than 2 years.
3. My best friend and I became lovers.
4. I understand what it’s like for true love to come about.
5. I moved over to Australia to continue my studies.
6. My best friend and girlfriend broke up with me while I was in Australia.
7. I came back and am going through hell actively pursuing my best friend again.
Basically in a nutshell this year is all about my sordid love life.
All I can say is that of all the years of experience I have had dealing in relationships, in life and love. None of it…none of it at all has prepared me for the full extent of what I was about to face this year.
None of it.
From bordering psychopaths to apathic children of darkness. From initiating a breakup to being on the butt end of one. From being isolated to being extremely sociable. From being prude to being kinky. From being cold to being posessively jealous. All of it…the full range of human emotions.
And all of that…from the women in my life I am with.
And we think men control the world.
Yeah right…whoever said that probably haven’t been in a real relationship before.
But I supposed all in all, I may be better as a person. But who I am inside has never changed. I’m still a social idiot who does things driven by his idealistic duty to make the world better. In short I am still who I am…just…a bit more awake due to certain circumstances.
That’s the way it is I guess.
In a way, living life as I have been…that’s the way it should be. Being who you are in a world true to its nature. We may know what to do when the situation hits us the next time, but we will always react more or less the same way towards the same situations everytime. The only thing we can do is to be sure of what we can possibly do. Come to think of it, there is no other better way than that.
Come to think of it.
In spite of ourselves.
That’s all we really ever can do.