The Impending Change

You’d think that after 24 hours of blogging in succession, I would be all blogged out. Not me though, because for as long as there is a story to be told about my life, this blog remains as always a testament to those moments. Right now, those moments are looking very daunting indeed.

There is a change coming. I don’t know whether it is the arrival of spring or the coming storm, but as one chapter closes in my life, so does another one open. One that begins with best friends leaving and continues with me juggling a timetable that would make circus acts proud. One that has me torn between mourning the dream that I always wished for and being the rock that has always stood for the ones that mattered.

As much as I tell people that I’m used to people leaving and I’m used to big changes happening, the truth is…I’m not. Change is another way of saying that something you don’t want to happen has happened. Given the circumstances now, I wouldn’t mind the long hours and the constant work, what eats me up right now is the farewell that I don’t want to say.The farewell that would mean that everything I wished and tried for would mean for nought. When someone means that much in your life, knowing that they eventually have to move on is always torn between being happy for them and being selfish for yourself.

I know it’s wrong to say what I really think. I know this is what I would really want for someone I care for. To strike out and reach for something new, that’s what we all should be doing. That’s what I would say and some other thoughts should always be kept to yourself no matter how deeply you feel for them. I know what I want can never be fulfilled now, but it’s a thought that should be kept between myself and the cold dark spaces in between friendship and life.

The inevitable change has come and for what it’s worth I’m screaming inside for it.

Just don’t tell anyone else alright?

4 thoughts on “The Impending Change

  1. This is the perfect and exact time to cry and no one will know they are tears of hurt and happiness. Best done in the shower.

  2. *Big hug* Let time do its work, Edrei… and things may turn out better than you imagine… keep a lookout for the silver lining, my friend.

  3. Pat: Thanks.

    Cheryl: I’ve cried my last tear over farewells. This is one thing that should be kept inside in silent memory.

    YP: Thanks. Though in matters like this, thinking of the good and bad does less to help. One day at a time. Always one day at a time.

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