I’m usually a down to earth kinda guy. I wasn’t exactly born poor, but then again I wasn’t raised to waste money either. Often my parents would give me enough money to spend on needful things then use the rest of the money to renovate the house or buy Feng Shui stuff.
If anything at the end of it all, I’m pretty frugal when it comes to money. What I want to get in life is usually out of the question because I often find myself doing everything in my power to save up to get the things I need instead. I don’t usually exaggerate when I say I find myself doing everything in my power to begin with anyway because it’s not going to be the first time I find myself purposely not buying food so that I can get the things I need.
Which is what I’m planning to do right now.
If there are days I wish I was just a little richer or that I didn’t live in the environment that I lived in, these days would be it. It’s stupid to have to surround yourself with people who can afford the things you need with relative ease and have you feeling that bitter tinge of jealousy to see that they don’t need it as much as you do…then again that IS my life…and there is nothing I can do about it but to live with the sight of it everyday.
It’s just as frustrating to keep working hard to get the things you need when people keep telling you to relax. I wish I could. I seriously wish I could…but if I could conjure an MP3 player out of thin air, I would have done so a long time ago. If I could wish myself never to hear another voice again in my head, I would have done so a long time ago. If I could wish I had a better way to stop the voices in my head from screaming at me than the music that I constantly pump into my ear to drown it out, I would have done so a long time ago.
I wish I could change all that.
But I don’t.
All I have is what I have right now and any idea I can come up with to make sure that whatever I do succeeds. It’s just sad that most of the time…it’s simply not enough. It’s all just out of reach no matter how hard I push.
Well…I’m not going to stand out of the way and watch life flaunt the things I want in front of me anymore. I’m not going to sit by and watch the things I want just float out of reach anymore. I am going to get that MP3 player because my only one isn’t working any more and I’m not sure how long I can stand the silence with hell screaming in my head.
Even if you don’t understand what it costs for me to live without it.
Even if it kills me to get it.
I will get it.
And no one is going to be here to stop me from doing just that.