It’s not easy to find someone that lives so comfortably in a world under the realisation that a lot of things just aren’t right. I love that you see the world in the same shades of dark as myself. The way you wear your apathy like a piece of clothing, shrouding yourself against the things the world throws at you in favour of doing things you know works. You plan the plan and like me you predict the eventual outcome because you know just how predictable human beings are.
Just that sometimes I know how to let go.
I can understand why you protect yourself. Why you are the ice queen I know you to be. The world shows no mercy for those who carelessly allow themselves to resign to the moments. For that, you only go as far as the superficial surface, never giving your heart save for the very things you know that works, the very things you know you planned and the very things you know you’re right about.
Yet perhaps life isn’t about us planning the plans and carrying them out. Life isn’t about being the soldiers the world turned us into. I’m not asking you to turn your back on the war I know you wage. I know it’s something we have to see through in our own way. I’m just saying for people like us who fight the fight to keep our own hell at bay, we have to be more than just comfortable with every battle. We have to love it.
Love every cut, every blood spilled. Enjoy every sweat poured. Revel in every victory. Appreciate every loss and tear shed. If our bleak and dark perceptions are as that world forged in us into, then at least give in to them the way only people like us can. We already stopped subscribing to the way people hide behind their picket fences. So why not smile a little for our own life? Why not live the moments we were meant to enjoy? Life’s too short not to happy for what we know is the better choice. You know it. I know it.
It’s ironic that a person so passionate about her thoughts can be so clinical about her actions in life. I don’t pretend to know how far your darkness dwells but I would like to. I’d like to imagine you’re as twisted and morbid against the backdrop of normalcy we live in. You might not be, but one can only hope. Sometimes that’s all that should matter. A measure of hope in a world we plan and execute almost perfectly.
After all, while the worst things are always uncalled for, some of the best things to happen in our lives are the ones we also never see coming. And maybe, just maybe, it’s right in front of you right now.