The Wanting Past

What is it about being in a relationship that makes you feel like wanting more than just what you have. Is it the part of us that’s driven by ambition or is it the part of us that’s driven by what we do not have?

It’s true that you’ll never find someone perfect, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make some sort of perfection out from two imperfect halves. I can attest to being in a relationship that would make anyone remotely envious of what I have. To find and be with someone that makes perfect sense with no strings attached. That’s what this game is all about.

Yet, I still find myself missing something in my life. The kind of companionship and intimacy I seem to lack from my current love. It’s not that I’m unhappy with what I have, far from it. It’s that to appreciate what I have right now, I had to become something more than just myself. It’s not really faking it, it’s just learning that there is more to life than just being yourself. It doesn’t mean it has satisfied my inherent wanting. It just, for those brief moments, overpowered it.

So here I am, juggling what I know is the best thing that has happened to me and reminiscing a past that made me feel complete. In all fairness, I do concentrate on the present at hand, yet there is always that thought in the back of my mind that’s never satisfied until my chaotic thoughts are embraced and comforted in the arms of someone that mirrors my own pain.

Is it fair for the other if I dwell on such thoughts? It probably doesn’t matter. But I’m a man of action and if anything, what can’t be sought out will always be reflected in negative consequences. Whether it’s fair then is best left to our own devices. Sometimes to keep what’s left in ourselves, we have to have some ounce of selfishness. If only to find what we desire.

Even if it is in someone else, all those years ago.

2 thoughts on “The Wanting Past

  1. d syndrome that ur facing is called “the grass is greener on the other side”. translated means, what u dont have seems better than what u have!
    how about this, everything happens for a reason! ur past relationship was not meant to be n thus, u have ur current one.
    never look back at the past with regret coz it will hamper the happiness that u can find with ur current!

  2. I don’t quite believe in “what was meant to be”. I tend to stick to a more practical “we reap what we sow” effect. I never said I’m not happy with what I have now, it’s just that there is still something important missing in my life. One I will search for regardless of what I have. I don’t think I can feel complete without it.

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