It’s hard to put into perspective the things you’ve seen and done throughout the course of your life, especially most of your life is spent trying to prove to older people that you can also share a sense of wisdom that equals their own.
I know it is particularly petty thing to do. That is to try and prove that you’re better off than some people. It’s just that when you’re lead to believe all your life that you’ll never amount to anything more than you are, you end up with two choices. You either resign yourself to the idea whatever people have told you is true and that at the end of it, their lack of respect for your own abilities is justified, or you can set out to defy every social construct that they imposed to define your own sense of success and failures. If that is immature, then I would gladly accept being called that if it means knowing that I gave my all to finding a little peace in the world around me.
Yet, because I’ve always chosen the latter, I’ve constantly been reminded by my family and peers that it is the wrong choice. While those closer to me may not say it in so many words, their actions often echo in their disapproval for the choices I’ve made. So too do my peers find it hard to believe that someone of my caliber can share with them wisdom of the ages without so much the age part. Too often, I hide how old I really am in an effort to be a little more convincing to people, my words of common sense and second opinions. While that works well with the net denizens whom I’ve spent years lending an ear and some sensible words, but it’s not that easy pulling off the same thing in the real world where every feature except your own eyes betrays the physical age you carry.
Maybe I am just tired of having to constantly fend off statements that my words have no relevance to the world simply because I haven’t lived enough of it. It’s hard enough trying to prove that an idea or a wisdom, different to the contemporary mainstream words of the masses can be the proper course of action. It’s even tougher to stop the stereotypical concepts of physical age dictating how much you should know or do, especially in a traditional Asian upbringing.
Still, for what it’s worth, this road has been littered with more than a handful of experiences that few at this age would have lived through. If anything, justifying, debunking and refining your own ideals and wisdom to make your life work better for you is what growing up is really about. It shouldn’t be so much of a problem, let alone matter, if people don’t take me seriously. It’s just the way I tick that drives and compels me to want to stand up and be heard. Not that it matters in the grand scheme of things, but it is always nice to know that what works better for you can do the same for others.
I just need a chance and a moment of your time that’s all.