Before I start, let me just mention here that Ed has been checking his blog, so whatever is written, he does read it. (You’re supposed to be on holiday!)
Well, I’ve been pretty much burried under the ton of books that I’m supposed to be reading for my assignment, which is due on Friday, so that would explain the silence. Plus, not to mention working for the money to support myself and just balancing everything. It has been a looooong weekend for me.
I’ve been having many conversations with my friends lately, after the horrible weekend 2 weeks ago. Most of them were consoling me, though I appreciated it, I found myself back on my own 2 feet after 3 days of grieving. One of the conversation topics were that I see myself akin to an ugly duckling who has now become a sort of swan. I might sound vain when I say that, but if you had known me back when I was 17 and had geeky glasses, mind you I would have shied away from contact with guys.
Coming from an all-girls school and being the eldest and only girl in the family didn’t really help much at all. Parents were so protective and literally banned me from contact with the male species. Thus, my very weird and funny attitude towards guys. Either I’m too clingy or I avoid them completely.
Back to being an ugly duckling. I cringe when I see my old photos, when I looked so out of place at functions, being plump in the wrong places and basically just looking the furthest I can be from pretty. Think Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed, just tone that down a little, and you’ll get me.
Now when I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t see the 17 year old geeky and akward me staring back. I see myself as a 20 year old, who has grown up overnight since being shipped to Australia and having to fend for herself in many aspects of life. I see someone who is more confident and more outgoing than ever before. I see me.
Having to come to grips with reality, of course I’m like any other normal 20 year old, not a girl, not yet a woman. (No, I’m not Britney’s greatest fan). I’m still striving for independence; emotionally, physically and financially.
Given my past, it would explain why my confidence levels hit rock bottom in times where people doubt me. I always feel inferior to whoever who seems to be doing better than me in the many facets of life. That’s also why I can’t stand being compared to other people who have so-called done better in life than me.
I believe each person is unique in their very own way, so why bother putting 2 people next to each other and compare them? Whatever comments that make it out, it more than likely going to hurt one party.
With all that said, I rest my case. I feel like an ugly duckling, waddling the path of life. Fat, ugly duckling waddling the path of life. Waiting to be turned into a swan…Just waiting.