Dreadful December

If there are months I tend to dread, December would be it. Not because it’s Christmas, God no. I love Christmas. I love everything about Christmas. It’s the fact that some pasts cannot be unwritten no matter how much you try and make amends.

I used to tell people that if you can’t talk about your ex without sighing, chances are you haven’t gotten over them yet. I’m no exception to that rule, considering I probably sighed 15 times before writing this post so far. I definitely have not gotten over her yet. Moved on, but never forgotten. And while some people call that a conflict of interest seeing that I am dating someone else now, maybe some things aren’t meant to be forgotten. Not if anything good is meant to come out of it.

Yet now, I can’t even find the words to write to her even after all this while. It’s hard to wish someone happy birthday with so little to go for. It’s also hard to wish someone happy birthday when you overdo the words. It’s even harder to wish someone happy birthday when you don’t even know how to begin. How do you start a letter to someone that meant the world to you in a different life? What do you say? What would you say?

I know I have no reason to delay the inevitable and I know some things are meant to be done because you know it’s the right thing to do. But I’ll be damned if I knew where to begin. More so to know how this is all going to end.

3 thoughts on “Dreadful December

  1. I think I know exactly what you mean, although chances are our stories would have nothing in common if compared. It’s the universal aspect of this gloomy feeling that rings through of course.

    In my case all contact was over with in a very short time, so I don’t have to think about birthdays or holidays anymore, but of course I still do. Even after four years. Yeah, totally over it but not forgotten, that says it well. And why should you forget? After all, it’s been a defining part of your life, right?

    I don’t think I have a month that I hate like that though. Oh no, wait. August. Sigh.

  2. Mmm, August is another month which brings back sad memories. Don’t you just hate it when you think you’ve gotten over it, only to find yourself sighing in silent melancholy over the past that you can’t let go?

    Yet It defines our life doesn’t it? Unfotunately, we wouldn’t have it any other way don’t you think?

  3. Ha, I’m sorry I brought that old thing up then, by mentioning August 🙂 And no, I like it all the way it is indeed. I’d love a bit of slack and good luck at times, but you’re right, we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *