It's hard to do all the things you want to do when you don't feel like it. It's hard to feel like doing anything when you stare at the monumental task ahead of you only to find that you have a long way to climb and it's going to be a very lonely journey to the top.

If there are days when you wish that you'd have the strength in yourself to do what you would want to do, this is not one of those days. It just feels like there is no drive, no confidence that what you will do, you'll be appreciated for what you do, even from yourself. It's hard to keep pushing yourself to equal the works you've done before if not surpass it, and it gets tired to keep propping yourself up all the time.

The sad thing in this line is that when you do take a break, you find yourself restless to venture off because of the fear you'll be left behind. I forget that most of the time, those that venture ahead are those that do have a helping hand in their field, kind of like what I have in the work that I will eventually do. Hobbies on the other hand don't exactly have a mentoring system and it is not uncommon to have someone hold your hand when you get stuck trying to figure out the next thing to do.

I'm tired of doing this on my own. I'm tired of asking for help that never comes. I'm tired of trying to reach for something knowing that I have neither the means or the knowhow to reach it.

What I'm good at is expressing the words of what I feel and that's what this blog has always been about. Producing something new that rivals this current blog design in the face of so many other admirable blogs on the other hand is something I feel very discouraged from. Is it so hard to put into reality, something that you like and can see in your mind?

I would think so.