It’s The Fear

For the past week now, I’d held back telling everyone I know how I feel. For the most part, it’s because people talk more than they are willing to listen, for the rest of it, it’s because even if I do share, there is little that people so far away can do to help to comfort. The best I can do at this moment is and always has been what I should be able to do – the things on my own.

It’s just that for the past week, I don’t know what that has been. I know I have to move forward, but I’m stuck trying to remember how to put one feet forward at a time, much less remember how to grip the objects in front of me to pull myself forward.

It doesn’t help that I know, I can see what lies ahead, what I should do, what I should have done. It doesn’t help that I just want it all to end, that I don’t want to keep facing crisis after crisis. It doesn’t help that I can keep a straight face at this, that I can write exactly what I feel right here right now without as much as a single facial expression of doubt or worry. It doesn’t help that I keep stalling, that I procrastinate the needful things, knowing I’m wasting precious time on the ticking clock on a very real deadline.

For the first time in a long time, I am very very scared and very very alone, and I can’t move from where I’m standing until I stop choking up. The question is, will I be too late to move when I finally stop?

I don’t really know, and that’s what scares me even further.

3 thoughts on “It’s The Fear

  1. Don’t let yourself become paralysed with fear. When a situation becomes overwhelming, just do what needs to be done instead of thinking too much about it and analysing every angle. The only way forward is to break the cycle of negativity around it.

    (Sorry this is belated as I couldn’t access your blog for a couple of days)

  2. It’s not the thinking too much that gets to me. It’s the worrying about what hasn’t been thought out that scares me. I’m always for knowing what comes next. In that unknowing, the things out of my control, that I’m so terrified about.

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