People Are The Source Of My Problems

My faith in people rises and falls like my constant mood swings. Sometimes, it’s hard to tell just which is affecting one or the other. The more I want to open up to people, the more I realise that people are constant source of my emotional problems. Yet at the same time, some part of me still believes that people are the key to my salvation and redemption. It’s just a long hard road with more failures than there are successes, but there is no other way to find good people whom you can rely on than sheer trial and error.

It’s not to say that I’m pointing fingers at everyone except myself. I more than understand that you are solely responsible for your own happiness, but there is a catch to that truth. For you to be completely responsible, it would also mean that you would have to be a social hermit, which is the one thing I can know I can never be. I am responsible for my own happiness, which means I am responsible for deciding who to trust and who to open up to. Something I often screw up in the hopes that the people I place my faith in are the people I can share my life in and not have them run away.

Of course, when I think about it, the reason why I say people are the source of my problems is that people lie. They lie about themselves, they lie about what they are capable of doing, they lie about the promises that they never keep in the end. Everybody lies, but when relationships between people are built upon those lies, when the truth comes to light, everything just crumbles away, as does my faith in them. As much as I try to be honest with the people I am with, omitting the finer details of my life until I know if they can handle it, having someone say they’ll stand by you through it all, then have them abandon you at some random time because they feel like it is pretty much a stab to the beating heart.

For the more cynical of you, I know shit like this happens all the time. I know that better than most, but it doesn’t stop it from hurting any less. It doesn’t stop me from trying to find someone I can open up to all the same.

So I keep trying. I keep looking at everyone with a sense of skepticism and doubt and I’ll keep trying to find ways of opening myself, sharing my thoughts and feelings to someone who seems nice enough to stand by and listen. As hurt as I am that people don’t try hard enough to keep a good thing going, I can’t blame them for who they are. All I can do it hope that one day, they’ll come around to realising that good, decent, honest folks in life come far and few in between. What they make of themselves and the consequences to follow is their choice.

I like to hope that when they realise that, I won’t have become bitter and vindictive enough to return the last thing they gave to me.

10 thoughts on “People Are The Source Of My Problems

  1. I suppose that are human nature. There is always a threshold to everything. Will you walk away from someone you love? Are you so sure that you won’t under any situation?

  2. If you love them, why would you walk away from them? I would give them space if they asked me to, I’d give them the freedom to be who they are because it’s who I love them as, but certainly not walk away because I want to.

  3. yeah, shit happens all the time.. well, different people have different personality.. some life just to please you for that moment, while some are being honest and respects you.. sharing is all part of human’s life.. it’s good to share, maybe its because i alway do.. haha.. take care ya D

  4. It’s good to share, but it hurts when that feeling is not reciprocated. Even if you know realistically, it’s not going to happen, some part of you feels that you should be obliged at least a little, otherwise, what is the point of it all?

  5. Bad things happen. But you have to live with it.
    I don’t really need someone to pour out to. So I don’t really relate to your problem that well.

    Take care!

  6. I could relate to what you said here. There are some that aren’t bad people, just that either they r jz not into the fship/rship, or that they are nice people who just can’t disappoint another fellow and hide the truth. It’s a really shitty feeling when u r willing and always b there for that person, but u hv reasonable doubts that he/she will return that favor. I always wonder y is it painful to try to walk away from these ppl, eventhou u hv all the good reasons to walk away.

  7. WayeYoung: That’s what I said in my post. I deal with it. Doesn’t hurt any less, but it is my choice to press on nevertheless.

    Fabled-Facade: Because people are at its core sociable creatures, the less you interact with people, the more you’re driven to connect with people, often with the best of your abilities, which for some, aren’t always with socially acceptable behaviours.

  8. Maybe sometime people lie because they have to. Just think positively about others and you will enjoy it. But always careful =)

  9. I was taught recently that you either let that negativity rule your life or you learn to accept that certain things are beyond your control and you move on. Ultimately you become desensitised. The last thing we can control is other people and how they would react to circumstances affecting us. May as well let it pass.

  10. Blinkky: You can’t be careful and think positively about people. If that is possible, I just haven’t found a way, for the most part, the more weary you are, the more you see that people can’t really be trusted. A lesson I’m reminded off time and time again.

    Cléa: By right I should be desensitised by now. You’d think that after all that one can possibly go through, small things like this shouldn’t matter anymore. But they do, they still affect me and I don’t have any center ground of calm I can rely on to steady myself in times like this.

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