I’m dreading the coming week. If anything, with all that I’m going to face, the only certainty to the whole equation is that there is going to be a lot of emotion boiling about and none of them are any good.
With it, my heart and mind is starting to shut things out. No longer am I able to foresee what’s ahead of me. No longer am I able to see what’s two steps ahead of me. As it is, whatever is on my mind is impairing my ability to focus and do my job. It’s impairing the way my body takes care of itself. It’s impairing me to be…me.
It’s hard trying to want to talk to someone and finding no one to talk to. It’s harder when you don’t know where to start. For the first time in a long long time, my own quintessential humour and witty repartee is lost to me. I feel like I hardly know this part of myself anymore. To protect what’s important from myself, I becoming someone I hardly know.
How bad the consequences are, I have no idea where it’ll go. But I do know one thing, I don’t think I’m good company right about now. That makes the self hatred all the more justified.