The Fucking Irony We Lead

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Try and try as you might to do the right things in life, you can’t go anywhere when you’re stuck at home in the mercy or what other people say…or not say about you. Try and try as hard as you might to have the right tools, you can’t fix anything when no one knows that you exist as a person. Try and try as hard as you can to not let it affect you, you can’t walk through a sharp cutting trigger without bleeding one way or another.

I hate the fact that there will always be this bad vibe hanging over me for as long as I am here. No matter where I go or what I do or who I know. That bad vibe, that assumption that this is who I am and it’s alright to avoid me because of it will always hang around me. The part that gets me sick and tired of it all in the end is that the people who know me best for who I am and would often be there to remind me to keep going or just to stand by me are the ones that keep my existence quiet to the world…while the assholes that don’t know squat go on and on to other people about me that are as fictional as the Piltdown man.

Not a word. Yeah, the silence is so defeaning, you just can’t hear yourself scream.

Does it sound stupid that I’m complaining about this? Of course it does. It’s damn stupid for me to be fucking pissed off about something that shouldn’t happen in the first place. But it does happen. It happens because I happen to surround myself with good people who’s friends aren’t afraid to tell other other that this person is reponsible for the good things that happen to them as friend. People who’s public relations online or real life is so impeccable that people want to associate themselves with them to feel good about their own life. I know I do…why else would I want to constantly go out with you guys?

I know what I want, but I won’t ask for it because it’s not something that can be asked for. It’s something that has to be given in the spirit in which it was offered in the first place. Some of the most precious things in life are always unsaid which why they are the things that are taken the most for granted. All I can be is angry that it has to be this way. The rest is for life, the world, you and me to play a part of…and let those things still remain unsaid.

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