The Song That Ended It All

We were spiraling down into another one of our “who has it worse” arguments again. This time, it’s not without just cause, we were using all the music we know and love to show each other what we saw between both of us. It’s just something between both of us that takes simple things and makes them as complicated as possible. She started off with this song.

I’m taking my time.
I’m trying to leave the memories of you behind.
I’m gonna be fine.
As soon as I get your picture right out of my mind.

I wanna feel the way you make me feel.
When I’m with you.
I wanna be the only hand.
You need to hold on to.
But every time I call.
You don’t have time.
I guess I’ll never get to call you mine.

You’re nothing at all.
I know there’s a million reasons why I shouldn’t call.
With nothing to say.
Could easily make this conversation last all day.

I countered off with the last song I gave to her before she broke up with me.

You’re pushing me back.
But I pass right through you.
I’m slippin’ through your cracks.
I wanna get close to you.
But you just won’t let me in.
You’re pullin’ away.
So my hands can’t touch you.
So you can’t feel my pain.
And there’s no secrets.
Between you and yesterday.

How do I get through to you.
How do I get through to you.
That there’s no one in this world.
Who wants you more than I want you.

You hide behind walls.
From the one’s that love you.
The one you fear you might fall for.
And it’s hard to ignore.
The error in your ways.

After a long while, she actually remembered who sang the song in the first place, but not without giving me the lyrics to the song I hated the most even when we were together, simply because of what the song actually meant for both of us was very very real.

She’s out of my life.
She’s out of my life.
And I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
I don’t know whether to live or die.
And it cuts like a knife.
She’s out of my life.

It’s out of my hands.
It’s out of my hands.
To think for two years she was here.
And I took her for granted.
I was so cavalier.
Now the way that it stands
She’s out of my hands.

So I’ve learned that love’s not possession.
And I’ve learned that love won’t wait.
Now I’ve learned that love needs expression.
But I learned too late.

At the end of it, I brought out a song that she hadn’t heard before this. A song that I only heard off when I was here in Australia, long after she broke up with me. Listening to it now, it makes perfect sense. I thought that it would make as much sense to her as it did to me.

I’ve hardly been outside my room in days,
‘Cause I don’t feel that I deserve the sunshine’s rays.
The darkness helped until the whiskey wore away,
And it was then I realized that conscience never fades.
When you’re young you have this image of your life:
That you’ll be scrupulous and one day even make a wife.
And you make boundaries you’d never dream to cross,
And if you happen to you wake completely lost.
But I will fight for you, be sure that
I will fight until we’re the special two once again.

And we will only need each other, we’ll bleed together,
Our hands will not be taught to hold another’s,
‘Cause we’re the special two.
And we could only see each other, we’ll breathe together,
These arms will not be taught to need another’s,
‘Cause we’re the special two.

I remember someone old once said to me:
“That lies will lock you up with truth the only key.”
But I was comfortable and warm inside my shell,
And couldn’t see this place would soon become my hell.
So is it better to tell and hurt or lie to save their face?
Well I guess the answer is don’t do it in the first place.
I know I’m not deserving of your trust from you right now,
Oh But if by chance you change your mind you know I will not
Let you down ’cause we were the special two, and will be again.

I step outside my mind’s eyes for a minute.
And I look over me like a doctor looking for disease,
Or something that could ease the pain.
But nothing cures the hurt you, you bring on by yourself,
Just remembering, just remembering how we were

She didn’t reply after that. I guess the lyrics did make sense to her. I hope it did, because sometimes when you loved someone that much to only see them walk away from you, what’s eventually left is the pure bitterness of hatred than only love can breed. Not to say that I bear her any ill will, but only to say as much as she means the world to me, it’s time I moved on before that hatred destroys what’s left of both of us.

I think it was the smartest move I’ve ever made in my life.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *