It’s been about a year and a half since her breakup with me in my last relationship. Despite the time and distance from each other, the relationship we have has still been nothing short of being very messy. Very very messy
After all this time, we still can’t talk to each other without finding a way to feel bad about the way the other person treats us. Well…at least to a point, that’s what we have been doing. Personally, like pining over friends that aren’t there, I’m sick and tired of it. Sick and tired of just allowing myself to fight over who gets it worse and who cares for each other more. Let’s make things a little simple.
You know I still have feelings for you. I know you still have feelings for me. You were the best thing that had ever happened in my life. I will always be the yardstick in which you measure every relationship you have. We can’t be together because we’ve screwed up each other’s lives so bad, it actually hurts to be together as much as it hurts to be apart from each other. So what do we do?
We get on with our lives the best we can, that’s what we do.
So we’re here again, 18 months later after you said goodbye. I have somebody new. You have somebody new. Some things in our lives have changed and in many ways, we were so different than we were when I heard you for the first time talking about why you didn’t believe in God. Yet…after all these years, you and I are still the same people.
Maybe we’ve grown a little more mature, maybe we’ve picked up a little more responsibility…but we’re still the same people, driven by the same fears, the same insecurities and the same demons that we try to hide everytime we go out there and face that new world we built ourselves around.
Maybe the reason why we can never let go of each other because as ironic as fate is cruel, for some odd reason, we’re tied to one another. Not just in friends or the fact we’re in a business that literally plays God. We’re tied as people who will always be friends, lovers and even enemies. How can I explain this? I can’t. So I won’t bother.
So what do I do? Nothing. I can’t stop you from not seeing me before I go. I stop you from feeling hurt every Chap Go Meh or Valantine’s Day. I can’t stop you from all the things you do because it isn’t part of my life anymore. I want you to be happy. I want us to talk and laugh late into the night like we did so many years ago. I want all that. But it’s your life too and maybe you’re just not ready to move on yet.
Maybe one day, you’ll be able to see me face to face as we exchange our presents. Maybe one day, you’ll be able to laugh with me as I do all the stupid lame ass attempts of humour you know me to do. Maybe one day you’ll move on from the time you said goodbye.
And I’ll be there waiting for you. That much is a promise I know I’ll keep.