No matter how much you try to keep it under wraps beneath all the work and all the jokes, you can’t hide melancholy forever. Maybe that’s the thing about being too busy, with all the effort it takes to act like you’re a functional capable individual, eventually your mental reserves aren’t going to last very long.
Yes I know I’m probably repeating myself over and over again with posts like these that tell you that I’m not happy, but that only means that nothing has changed. I know what I’m saying when I say that I don’t need professional help and I don’t want more advices on how I should run my life. It’s not that hard to just start a conversation with me that has nothing to do with asking for help. I know some of you have started doing so and for that, even if it’s out of the realization that I am lonely, I thank you for it.
I know it’s hard to grasp the paradox that I’m comfortable with my depression, that I have accepted that my life isn’t going to be an optimistic one. Walking on a road that tosses around self-destructiveness and morbid actions like it was an everyday thing isn’t going to win you many friends, worse yet is dealing with the people who glorify it like a lifestyle.
What you have to understand is that you don’t have to understand it to be my friend, you just have to know that it’s what makes me who I am as a friend.
So while I find myself another reason to be melancholic, you’d have to ask yourself. Could you see past that moody state I’m in and disregard it just to talk to me like any normal person?
Or does it really bother you to see me walk the thin line between sanity and madness that you either want to force me to get some help or not talk to me at all for the fear that you will fall into the same pit I’m in?
Maybe the question should be, how much of a friend do you see in me? Maybe that much, is the reason I’m always melancholic.