Wanting

I try not to think about it, about anything, about everything that’s happening in my life right about now.

Actually, that is a lie. I think about it all the time, every waking moment. It’s part of me. It’s what makes me who I am, and that has always been a problem and a solution in itself.

I get lost in my thoughts. The constant chattering of voices echoing in the background. It’s hard for me to focus on one specific thing at a time. As much as I try, it’s easier for me to multitask and even that these days is getting harder and harder to handle with the amount of things that are happening at the same time.

Some days I forget what I was it I was trying to do. Some days I don’t know where to start at all. It’s all a kaleidoscope of events superimposed onto an almost infinite variable probability of outcomes. There was a time when I understood that last sentence, though now it feels like it’s gotten away from me.

I try not to think about it, but I’m sure somewhere along the line, it thinks about me.

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