Not to go totally out on the egotistical limb here, but all I just want to say is that in all my life I’ve been the living diary and emotional shoulder for people. In all the time that I have always stood by those I care for, stood by those I don’t want to see suffer the same things I do. I’ve always found some strength to pass on to others. Strength, faith and maybe some hope that people need to walk over those moments when you wish you weren’t around to live it.
I have always found it easy to talk to people this way. It’s like whenever my brain registers that someone has something troubling their mind, I immediately put everything aside to make sure they have my full attention. I say the right words at the right time and as a friend said to me “You’re always a flirt and you always make the truth sound comforting. Baaahhh…“. So the real question is just this really.
Why is it everytime I talk to her…I’m not that guy?!
I just ask you why of all the girls in the world, all the people I’ve been there for as me. I can’t be who I’m strongest as around just her.
I can’t put away my own issues to talk to her like I always could. I say the absolute wrong things at the wrong time and I certainly feel like my chest is about to explode everytime I even see her nick online. It really doesn’t help that her nick is below one of the people I talk to a lot whom…get this…has many similar habits and traits to her. Are relationships of this magnitude always the source of your greatest strength and also the cause of your greatest weakness?
Why does the ex whom you really loved always HAVE to be your own kryptonite?
I just want to know why of all people in the world…I can’t talk to with the same casual smoothness I do with everyone else…or at least in that same frame of mind. I can be the guy that can help you put your life back together again or at least make sure you don’t crack under stress or the voices in your head. But around her, the voices in my head, the workload of my problems and the fractured pieces of my life just spills out into one ugly mess of attitude and words.
People have gotten into more relationships than it takes me to be hung over this issue. The only way I moving on in my life right now is the fact I’ve gotten back my ability to break down and cross analyse the problems I see around me. When you come to think of it…that’s not really moving on. I’m a fucking computer for God’s sake. Sarah has more social life than me in many cases.
All I do is listen to people’s problems, make sure it doesn’t eat them up and maybe help out whenever I can by giving them faith in themselves and trust in someone they can rely on. All in a small box that is divided by distance.
Oh fuck…I’m a priest in a confessional box.
That’s it…I’m never going to have a social life.
At least…not with the one girl in life that still holds on to me.
That’s just sad if it wasn’t so ironic.