It seems like every time I come home these days, in place of a moment where I can kick back and unwind for an otherwise long day, I find myself constantly being burdened with new problems without any clear solution.

There are good nights and bad nights in this constant struggle for my own sanity. Nights where I can take a deep breath and pretend that whatever problems that stand in my way is a daily sweet bread that I munch on. Nights where I snap, hurting everyone and myself in more ways than just verbally lashing out at the slightest fault.

It's another battle altogether to keep it all together. More so when I've come to believe that there whole world is out to get me and the only person I can rely on to see this night through is myself. It's not hard to reach this point. Just find yourself constantly on the deep end of a tidal pool.

I guess on a whole, I've stopped believing in the good that people can offer. It's all words and promises that lead to the unreliable disappointment in times of need. Not even friends or loved ones escape this bleak pessimism which has now become the foundation of my own social interaction towards the outside world.

"You are as much as a friend as you are useful"

If there are nights where I should be relaxing, that time has come and gone. What's left in its stead is the person I never wanted to be. A person I have to be. If only because there isn't anyone there to ease the burdens. The ones that blindside you in the wee hours of the morning. The ones that are always scarier than the nightmares you wake up to.

I don't like this cross at all.

It's just too heavy.

To know I'm under appreciated.

To know that I'm not the better choice.

To have a migraine.

To be standing on a fracture.

To be waiting for you, never to come.

To be forgotten by you, never to call.

To pretend that it doesn't hurt.

To show that it doesn't hurt.

To be alone.

To be afraid.

To be me.

To be you.

Teaching this long day.

Experiments aren't working.

Class is now dismissed.

It's finally happened. I didn't think it would happen this fast, but Malaysia's current ruling goverment, which has been criticised heavily for its incompetency and extreme racial and religious prejudice, has gone over the deep end and snapped.

As of yesterday at different times, a vocal political blogger, a newspaper reporter and a duly elected minister for the opposition party has been arrested under the Internal Security Act. The ISA is a leftover ghost of the 60's during Malaysia's more turbulent times. It allows anyone to be detained without charge for an indefinite period of time if they are suspected of treason and sedition. Basically it's what you would expect from Stalin's Russia rather than a democratic nation. A human rights nightmare.

I've only got one thing to say about this.

Why?

Why did this happen? Because given that the approval rating of the current government and its head is abysmal, why would anyone give orders to do such a thing? It doesn't make sense. It's pure political suicide.

The only thing I can surmise is that whoever issued the order to detain these people would purposely do it to enrage Malaysian citizens and push them into ousting the current government out. There are rumours of a political coup going about that's supposed to happen on the 16th of September. Something like this would either have to be a result of people fearing the coup might happen or people relying on this very act to encourage defections within the government so that the coup would go smoothly.

It's not that hard to draw up a plan like that. The people that were detained are well known throughout Malaysia for their criticisms of the current Malaysian administration. It's not hard to get people worked up over their arrests. Like pawns, their sacrifice might be a prelude to the end game, which is far more important.

Of course, if I was in a position such like that, it's what I would do. Human beings are far too predictable. Given that the fuse has been lit, this is merely adding more gunpowder to the mix, ensuring that the final act is quite the big bang. In a way, if this is true, I admire the genius that is this. Whoever cooked this up is a mastermind in a political quagmire.

The only alternative is that the person is a complete idiot to think they are doing the current administration a favour by silencing opposing voices. On days like this though, it's very hard to figure out which is actually the more likely scenario.

If you're the kind of person that keeps up to date with the latest things or you're a total geek like myself, you'd be aware of the current buzz circulating around the 9 billion dollar mega-machine called the Large Hadron Collider. If you aren't in the know, basically it's a 27 kilometre circular tunnel underground which houses a big honking particle accelerator.

The idea is, you take two particles (normally atoms), charge them up with energy, accelerate them to light speeds, and then smash them into each other. The resulting effect of which produces results that physicists need and (only physicists) understand to determine the secrets of the universe. In this case, they are colliding protons (which is a type of hadron and forms part of an atom) in order to confirm or rewrite whatever we know about standard physics in the universe. All in all from where I'm standing. Very exciting.

It just so happens that some people are far more excited about it for different reasons. For a while now ignorant masses are calling the Large Hadron Collider a doomsday machine. Fearing that turning it on could destroy the world in a giant cataclysm by forming black holes that would swallow us all or rip a hole in the space time continuum or something like that. The same people have tried using legal injunctions to shut the facility down. In fact, the scientists working on the project have received death threats to stop the Hadron Collider from going operational. I can only assume that these people are taking Dan Brown's Angels and Demons a bit too seriously or have forgotten to take their medication to ease their paranoia.

Now people have died because of their unfounded fears proving once again that science doesn't kill, but superstition and beliefs do.

Personally the scientist in me will tell you that it's going to be fine. The world will not end on October 21st when the facility goes 100% operational. The initial tests done on the 10 of September hasn't destroyed the world, yet. It's 9 billion dollars worth of funding to find out more about how the universe was created. I say, they are probably going to get their money's worth of it.

Yet…a small part, the science fiction geek part in me WANTS something to happen. Microscopic black holes are the rage and all, but what I really want happening is that we punch a hole in the fabric of reality or at the very least, between dimensions of this world and something else. I don't care if hell spawn comes barrelling out feeding on the brains of people or we find opposing genders of ourselves or a combination of it both. It would be a hell lot more interesting than a 50/50 chance of redefining what only physicists can understand about the universe and all its creation.

So that's why I take a few moments every night before I go to bed to ask the Lab God to grant my small wish.

"O God of research laboratories big and small. Please grant us this chance to open our small world to the infinite magnificence and horror that is all of reality. Please let us fracture the walls between time, space, and the void that's in between. We all need a little perspective in our lives and not just us, your devout followers of truth, who understand the importance of it. Veritas vos liberabit. Amen."

While it's good to pray every once in a while even though you know it's to no one tangible. It's also good to have a shotgun, a chainsaw, some body armour and health packs stashed throughout your house should this prayer ever come true. You never know. Especially since science fiction always does have a tiniest bit of truth to it. At least in this case I hope. Shucks to know better.