My eyes were already bloodshot and dry from the constant exposure to the heater blowing into my face. Despite that, I couldn’t help but feel the cold chill, though I don’t think that was because it’s in the middle of winter. My mind was just too tired to keep up with the words across the screen. Words that within a few hours would matter more than the throbbing pain that has been eating away at my back for some time. I was close to giving up and calling it a night.
Then she came up beside me. I then realized the state I was in by the soft expression of concern reflected in her eyes. She’s rarely this soft.
“You know you can take a break, you don’t have to push yourself so hard.” She cooed, her fingers dancing across my face the way I always did with her.
My voice choked by the dryness of my throat. “I’m just scared I won’t make it through this. Besides, I’ve taken enough breaks already.” I needed a drink.
She knew something was distracting me. Something always does. It’s the occupational hazard of my life, either that or she’s getting better at reading my mind. “You know you’re going to do your best. I know you’re going to do your best. That’s all there is to it. You don’t have to worry about anything else for the time being.”
I can’t help but to listen to her especially when she’s right. There was only what’s directly ahead of me for the time being and everything else can be sorted out in time, because there is always time to sort things out even when it seems you run out of it, it’s just a matter of finding time to sort out the consequences of running out of those precious moments.
So I took a break. I tucked her into bed. Her watchful eyes still reflecting that rare softness and the confidance that I will get through this unscathed. I kissed her goodnight as she slipped away into slumber, with unspoken dreams stealing her away from the reality that bears needful responsibilities. I got up and sat back down on that chair.
Because you see, it didn’t matter that it was cold or that my lips were cracking in the heat. It didn’t matter that there would be other problems I had to run through when this was finish. It didn’t matter because nothing mattered at all. Save for the reality that there was a person right beside me that did more than just believe that I could do it, she knew I could. And I knew I couldn’t let her down. I was going to do my best.
So I faced that glaring light and started reading again.