As the clock ticks down to my departure, there is a lot of mixed emotions that I’ve bottled up over the past few days. While a part of me knows it’s the right thing to leave, the another part of me wants desperately to stay. I suppose such feelings are often normal, in most cases, such familiarity breeds a comfort zone that people do not want to leave. It’s just that in my case, the familiarity isn’t for the environment I grew up in or the peers I hung out with, this familiarity was for a single person and a single moment.
It’s always hard to say goodbye, but when there are reasons beyond the wishes of two people who want to be together, then it makes the goodbyes even harder. Never before has needs so overwhelmed the simple desire of wants, but if there was a moment for that, this would be it.
I cannot say for certain when I am returning, if I am at all. She cannot say for certain when she will be coming, if should would be coming at all. For what it’s worth, that uncertainty in our lives makes us more determined to see it through till the end. If long periods of long distances are the crucible of what makes or breaks a relationship, then it makes us all the more suited to the task.
After all, for all that it’s worth, there is no greater pride to take within both of us than out irrepressible eccentricity and indomitable stubbornness. That much a reason has our relationship thrived and grown to lengths even we couldn’t forsee. Through that, maybe, just maybe, what began as a crazy ride of enjoyment would be a lifelong one.
So I leave now, not for me or for her, but for us. And for a future we set out to carve in stone, tempered by the events that are given and shaped by the hands we so diligently work at. There will always be a next time.
That much I can promise you.