It’s been an emotional ride for a lot of people this past week. Saying goodbye to someone that has been part of our lives for a long time is never an easy thing and as it would be, it played the hand that affected alot of people. I’m no exception to that. Though if there is one theme that happened this weekend it involves being with the ones we love. The compromise, the sacrifice, the loss. Everything that determines how happy one should be in a relationship. While my part to play in all this is minimal, it does however affect that of someone closest to me. And that is probably what scares me the most.
I love her. I have no qualms or hesitation to admit how much I love her. I love her with a reason. I love her without one. She keeps me in constant surprise with her individuality and spunky personality like a bird of paradise that was never meant to be kept in a cage. She is someone whom you can spend the rest of your life in desire for her because as much as you can be with her, you can never completely have her. Not for one moment.
So you see, at the end of it with my track record as being one that gets left behind. My fears in this matter of losing her are not unfounded. We’ve gone this far without much of an argument between us, without much thought for the future and all we do is live the life where we go forth day by day working towards what was always important to ourselves – our careers. Yet despite her bringing out the best in me, it doesn’t change who I am.
Am I taking her for granted? Is there a future down the road for us? Could we survive the upcoming time that we will be apart? Would we be different when we get to where we want? Could we cope with the changes when we get what we want? Could I live with the sacrifices that I make for her in the end?
Questions that despite my airheadedness in this matter, still doesn’t blind me from the important things that have to be resolved eventually. She isn’t a sappy female who romanticises relationships, but that’s where I come in, to make sure some roads are cleared before we get there. It good that we take things easy, but not all problems are caused when you try too hard, some are just there because that’s where they are supposed to be.
The thing in all this is, I’m willing to make sacrifices for her, not from my career, but at least from the rest of my life. It’s not like it doesn’t make me happy when I do give up the things and habits I am accustomed to. The point in sacrifice isn’t just to make the other person happy, it’s to give yourself a reason to try out something new for a change so that you can be happy on your own. If anything, I have no regrets in my change of lifestyle. I just don’t want that happiness to ever end. I hope that isn’t too much to ask for.
Yet beyond that picket fence of a normal life…sometimes it often is.