The Submissive Game

You know, you’re like a servant and Mel is the Master?

You mean I’m submissive to her?


Is this the first day you’ve known me?

Is there anything wrong with men who are submissive to their partners? Because from where I come from or at least the way I see it. There is nothing wrong when the woman wears the pants in the relationship. Yet what is it about almost every culture that has to have the men wear the pants and the women, pine after the security of a man who wears it well?

Yes I know perfectly well that the secret to understanding a woman is a healthy dose of respect and the knowledge that every woman needs to find security and that’s fine by me. But tagging behind a woman’s whims and fancies in a relationship doesn’t make the man any less of a security breach. Far from it. It’s just that every woman is different.

Just as there are women that crave the attention of men as a source of security, so are there women who are forced to become dominant to keep up in a male dominated world but still need as much security as any other women, as are there women who are naturally dominant and barely need an emotional blanket to comfort them.

In the relationship game between the dominant and the submissive, I just happen to be attracted to women who are dominant. Mel is no exception to that rule. In fact, she is the rarest of the kind. The ones who are naturally dominant, free from any need to find emotional security, but instead seeks the security found in their actions and in financial gain. Women like this don’t need to be coddled. To them it is a pleasurable luxury in their free time. Their main comfort is in knowing that their responsibilities have paid them off well.

It’s then understandable why men like me seek out women like Mel. The roles are reversed and in the culture where men are the dominant ones and women are supposed to be submissive, I am the one playing out her every decision. I trust her to make the better choices in things I still cannot grasp and I have not regretted anything. It isn’t the least bit intimidating and for the most part, it gives me my own emotional security blanket.

I do have a question for you. For men, could you date a woman who is more dominant than you? For women, how much security do you need in a relationship? It’s always nice to know that maybe, what we have here isn’t something most rare. That maybe, we’re not one of a kind. In a world where society follows the majority, its nice to have friends that won’t wonder how unusual your life is, even if you wear the pants and your partner picks out all the colours for it.

5 thoughts on “The Submissive Game

  1. You two are very lucky to have found each other, I think. It’s hard to find someone who complements your feelings on sex roles, what with the ever-changing nature of that concept. Equality–or, at least, closer equality than in the past–between men and women sometimes makes relationship dynamics a bit interesting these days. Some find it hard to know where they should take the wheel and steer, versus sit back and let him/her handle it.

    I am not a dominating person, but nor am I submissive; I think I’m situated right in the middle, like most other things found in my personality. However, my willingness to do big things, to work hard, to not be afraid to say what’s on my mind has led to several guys in my past telling me that I am intimidating, perhaps because they perceive me as being more dominant than I actually am. I find that this perhaps perceived dominance has put me in the position to quite often by the girl friend, rather than the girlfriend.

    Which is truly interesting to me, I must admit. I think we all have our strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes I want to be dominant, because I know what the fuck I’m doing. Other times, I want someone else to tell me what to do, because I am completely lost. I think those are human notions, not prescribed to one sex in particular.

    I think both men and women should know how to handle things on their own, at least fairly well, because otherwise one becomes dependent on another person. I guess there’s not too much wrong with that, depending on a situation, but I think until you’ve handled things on your own and know your weaknesses, it’s hard to respect your partner (or whoever)’s strength in the same area, which is where I think the problem is that many women find in being more dominant. There is still some taboo (lots, maybe?) in being free and strong enough as a female that you could hold your own, and do.

    Personally, when in a relationship, all I want to know is that what is said to me is kept and followed through in actions (words are often petty; actions speak louder). That’s the only security I require, and if it’s not met, he can hit the road.

  2. Argh!!!! You’ve hacked into my one and only draft post that I’m saving for next week! 🙁

    I shouldn’t say any more for now…

  3. Ah, this is an interesting post! Probably times have changed where men are submissive and the lady the dominant one. I don’t see anything wrong with the man being the one who is less dominant. Or perhaps they could take turns, which ones work best at a certain time.

    Maybe at times, the lady would prefer her man to be more dominant and other times, he can just be her total slave. Balance is the key, I guess. Give and take. =)

  4. Lelia: It’s all dependant on culture. The definition of gender roles in society that gives rise to the roles we play in relationships. People are often so clueless on what they should do and where should they go in a relationship that they often turn back to those cultural roles that society has set for them. But you hit it head on though, at the end of it, every one of us has to know what we’re in for. What we want and what we want to do. Not just for the future, but for the now, for a relationship to work. Without it, you can’t respect your partner, neither can you respect yourself.

    ChickyBabe: I thought I didn’t hit the Easter egg at all.

    Miss Positive: But what would you prefer?

  5. I know that I would prefer a woman dominant enough to have her own life and be independent and proud of what she does. That said, I also want a woman understanding enough to let me be me.

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