Her: You do know that eventually I’m going to break your heart.
Me: Yeah, unfortunately I do know that.
Her: If we both know it, then why are you still around me?
Me: Because at the end, I know it’s all worth all the hurt.
It’s official. I’m attracted to women that are emotionally dysfunctional enough to hurt me. For a person like me who always seeks intimacy of a close company, that would pretty much be just as dysfunctional too if not slightly masochistic to begin with, but..that’s just me.
As someone always said, whatever makes me happy. Then again, I’ve always said…whatever makes me happy is going to be a shitload of pain when it gets taken away…which it always does. It just takes time to dust myself off and keep going at it again.
When I look back at all the women who I’ve dated in my life, it’s not hard to see that save for one, everyone else had a problem with being…open in a relationship. They always were the type that always had something to hold themselves back. They always had something heavy that consumes them and in so many ways they can’t let go of it, no matter how much they pretend to.
Not to say that it’s a bad thing because I’m one of those people who are consumed by the past. I just let go of it every once in a while when I found a good reason to. So maybe that’s one of the reason why I always find myself attracted to women like this. It’s the universal sense of finding cold comfort in the qualities you’re most used to in yourself. It’s the sense of narsissisitic quality that pulls me to women who have the same walled up heart. It’s because for the better part of it, it’s my odd need to find a way to fix things in life.
I suppose at the end of it, whatever good I see in a person will be the only thing I will believe in that person. It doesn’t matter how dark a person’s pasts may be, or how much they are willing to invest in their professional careers enough to shuck their private life aside. It’s always in the way a person treats another in good times and in bad that shows the true heart of a person regardless. There is no reason not to be attracted to that.
There still has got to be a reason to keep being attracted to that. That again is another story. But I think it has got to start with why she said thanks. I think that’s a pretty good reason to begin with.