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Tag Archives: growing-up

In Search Of New Friendships

"You've changed. You've grown in ways that eclipse who you once were. No one in your life can keep up with you anymore. No one you once knew truly knows who you are anymore. No one but me."

While it is becoming apparent that a lot of my friendships are at a loss. I've come to realize that the slow death between best friends and friends doesn't fall in the inability to be in their constant presence. The slow death of all my friendships lie in the changes that make up who I've become.

It's not an easy thing to grow up. Attitudes change, perspectives change and most importantly priorities change. Who we once were slowly gives way to what we have to become, for better or for worse, to deal with the world around us. Yet when friendships are built on the mutual similarity, agreement or benefit that two people build that bond on, what happens when those common grounds no longer exist for one or the other?

It is inevitable that friendships drift apart due to the differences of time. My life is a testament of those differences. No longer do I follow or take interest in matters of old. No longer am I held down by feelings of the past. What I do now it more true to myself than I have been for the past 5 years and I make no allowances for being anyone else but me.

The only regret I could have is not being able to share what amounts to my life now to the people I want to call my friends. In the face of judgemental prejudice or speechless incomprehension, I feel isolated and alone, not being able to share my day, let alone the happiness of my life with anyone. A fairly substantial price to pay, I would think, for a slice of truth and well being in moment's existence.

There is no denying that at in times like this, there is but one solution to this simple conundrum.

"That would mean I need to find new friends."

Because the alternative is so much more miserable than I deserve especially in this state of mind. The least I can do is greet those that walk the same roads that I do. That at least is a start, if not of something great, then at least of something worthwhile. After all, isn't that what our journey should be about?

To The Spoilt Ones Who Never Saw The Second Opinion

The thing about youth is that we often mistake pride for intelligence and wisdom. Just because we are able get through high school and live a decent life, we believe that we're untouchable, free of the burden that life gives us. So when life occasionally throws a stick into our well oiled gears, we fall, our minds miserable and hurt, unable to see past what we only know as our own world.

I was young once and given the circumstances of my age, I think I still am. Yet the burdens of my youth were never one without a singular perspective, one that drove me to the edge of depression and spiralling insanity. That was my folly of youth, the belief that my own personal hell was mine for all eternity, a black hole in which I cannot escape and one that no one can help.

It wasn't until years later until I realized that people could help and that I had a choice. My burden's may have been my own to bear, but by no means did they mean I had to bear them in misery.

Going through the misery and darkness has never meant that we are special, even if our situations are unique to ourselves. Proving that your black cat is blacker than mine doesn't change the fact that we could have tried to be better than what we have become. It doesn't change the fact that suffering is still a universal constant in life and everyone goes through it. Suffering doesn't make you any different, what you do with your suffering does.

At the end of it, we still have a choice, even if they are limited to what we would or would not do. Misery will always be bound to the pride that tells us we deserve better. Anger and frustration will always be entwined by the expectations that a good life have always coddled us by. Sometimes we have to choose between letting that pride go or living with the misery under false pretences. More often than not an easy choice that's hard to enact.

I might not have found a way to completely let go of my pride or my misery, but it doesn't mean it has to offset the things in life that are good and worth being happy for. Part of living life is to know when to make your demons an issue and when to keep it at bay. It's not worth building a reputation by being a drama queen over things that aren't worth fussing about.

Given the old cliché that I often use, we all grow old. Maybe this a moment that starts telling you to grow up.

The Price of Growing Up

I should be working on Lorelle's Blogging Challenges before she cracks up a whip and joins in with Mel on the act but I can't find myself the right state of mind to start on it. It's got to do with the idea that whatever happens around my life is actually more important than my need to blog. Not everything that happens in and around this blog is related to the blogosphere, God forbid, I have a more fruitful responsibilities and things to do than spend my life pandering around the net.

If anything, realizing that I have more responsibilities in real life as opposed to that online reminds me that for the most part, dealing with money no longer falls onto my parents as the sole source of income. I have to remember that I am old enough to rely on my own two hands to at least support my daily life and while my parents may still give in and support my education on a whole, the time is long overdue for me to start paying my fair share in what I need rather than what I have wanted in life.

Yet the comforts under a roof that once sheltered me hasn't been forgotten yet, it may have it's fair share of problems like any other household, but a roof that you don't pay for is still a roof you don't have to work hard to keep. Living by yourself is a different matter altogether, especially when you have to juggle your studies, your income and expenditures, your prospective career and your whatever you nailed together to make sure you still have food in your mouth and a roof over your head.

The responsibilities that I face now to maintain a decent living comes at a cost for much of my accustomed lifestyle I grew up as a kid. For the most part, it comes at the cost of sacrificing what I would like to do, in favour of what I need to have. Not that it's a bad thing to do so, it's just one of those transitional times of your life when you go from being a kid without any qualms for the future to a working adult that supports the rest of his life by his own two hands. It's not abnormal…it's just like all changes, that something you didn't want to happen which happened anyway.

Yet life does indeed go on and given my track record for dealing with things like this, I know I should be worried about anything at all, weary and vigilant, but never worried. Such are the habits when you start paying your own bills that one day you'll end up like all adults who scold their children because they take money for granted. If that's the road that I'm going to follow in the end, well…I certainly don't blame it. But between now and then…just let me have the money to go places every once in a while.

Is that too much to ask?