Have you ever had times where you know exactly what you wanted to do in your life then found yourself looking at the same dirrection it in a different way you never really thought about? It’s like you know where you’re going, but along the way you find the same spirit in another thing that’s different than you first worked hard towards.
Does that make any sense at all?
I don’t know…throughout these years never in my life would I picture myself as a teacher of any kind. In fact, I could never imagine what it would be like to be anyone who could stand around in class and just…well…pass on knowledge to a whole new generation of students.
Then it began to hit me recently, the things I have been doing for the past few years. The people I have been there for, the people I’ve given my hand to pull them up from whatever shadows they have trapped themselves in. Maybe passing knowledge isn’t just the sole prerogative of a teacher…it’s about shedding light on things people don’t understand. Giving them a sense of focus and purpose to live their lives the way life was meant to be lived.
Maybe that isn’t at all different than what I have been doing.
No…I still can’t picture myself in some high school classroom teaching kids the value of what science is about. As much as that may sound appealing in the movies…it still isn’t part of what I’m looking for. If anything it would at least find myself in something that doesn’t comform to a standard because what is the point of standard when you’re not free to be comfortable with yourself?
Maybe it’s the fact that there is this bigger world out here that I am living that gives the sense of…freedom I could have never experienced back home. A world where you are in the company of people who love what they do…even if they have to put up with people who don’t understand the value of why it has to be done.
It’s this sense of…purity and devotion to something that I that I actually understand above all else.
How could I not anyway? I’ve been chasing the same stars ever since I was 10. Always trying to touch the same dream ever since I could understand what those dreams meant to me. Always pushing myself as far as I can possibly go to just be a little bit closer than I was before. If everyone had that same will of purpose in their lives, this world would be whole lot better than it is to begin with.
Maybe that’s why there are people like us here.
To give other people that same sense of spirit that drives some of us to live life. Not just the young or privilaged…but anyone and everyone. Without prejudice, without restrictions and without borders. Come to think of it…
That’s is part of my dream.
Most people would come to the conclusion thus far that I am an emotional cripple, wallowing in my own sense of personal loss in my social life, destroying parts of myself that other people see on the outside.
But maybe that’s as far as the eye can see for most people. Maybe these losses in my own social life is just a price I pay for knowing exactly what I would do for the rest of my life without question or doubt on where I will be going. Maybe in the end I end up as one of those people who would sit back and laugh at all the people with a 9 to 5 jobs facing the endless stream of messed up bureaucracy and retire later on in life without any sense of self realisation for what their own existance is about to begin with.
The least I can do is never stop chasing after my dreams no matter who tells me its impossible or no matter how many times I have to stop short of killing myself to climb a little higher. If not for me then at least for the people who I have faith in to climb out from their shadows and reach for their own stars.
That’s the least I can do for that future.
Without question and without a doubt.
Hinc lucem et pocula sacra.
And the rest of your life is up to you.