There is a difference between having someone to listen to you and having someone you can talk to. More often than not having someone listen to you is easy. All you have to do is be with someone who has nothing to say or at worst, pretend they are listening. It’s not as much as having a conversation, but there are some moments where you need someone to listen, at least to get things off your chest.
Then there is someone you can talk to. It isn’t just about a one sided conversation. It’s about talking things through, listening and sharing thoughts between people. Moments in where connecting with someone means more to you than the company of their presence.
For most of my life, I’ve been the former. I’ve been someone who has listened to others, been the shoulder to cry on and be the witness between events. In return, I have searched high and low for someone to talk to. A confessor to the pope if there is such a term. I have searched and I have found a handful of people who are willing to listen.
Yet, after all this time, the lack of people to connect with still voids my life as a whole. Even among friends I consider to be close, they are afraid of me, afraid of the thoughts that I have lived with for a long time. There is so much people who pretend to listen can do, it’s time I search high and low for the people I can connect with. People that aren’t afraid of who I am.
If ever there was a moment I can share in return with the people that share their moments with me, life would mean so much more than being clinically cold and methodical. I can’t pretend to be a rock forever and neither can the world pretend to listen forever. One way or another, some darkness can’t be kept at bay by just sheer willpower alone, they either need to be talked over with with friends you can trust or acted out on people you pick at random. Sometimes I don’t know which is worse, being normal or being a person like me.
That aside, have you ever felt that need to connect with people when having them listen isn’t enough? Or is listening enough? A penny for your thoughts.