Do I want to be happy? That’s a very very good question. There are some people in the world that are so used to misery, that they feel anything but comfortable when there is nothing wrong with their lives. To put it short…they are happiest when they are most miserable.
It’s a question that I have asked a few people throughout my life, friends and even losed ones that for the most part always seem to find something wrong with their happy arrangement in life. Maybe I always find myself asking the question because in fact, it’s a little bit closer to home. It’s…something that I myself probably do “suffer” from.
Do I want to be happy? Can I ever be happy? I think I can answer yes on both counts. Whether or not my own subconscious betrays me on those answers is a different thing entirely. I like the feeling of being happy, of being contented with my life, peacefully going about things I like to do without a care or worry in the world. Could it be done? Maybe, it’s not without hard work…but it definitely isn’t without the frame of thought to take every bit of bad with the good. Which is probably where the small problem lies.
I may tell you that you can do it. I may root for you and in probably many cases have my hand in some of your lives to give you the one thing you do need in life – hope and faith in that whatever you need to get you out of your problems is within your reach. But then…I don’t think I’m the guy who’s going to win any awards for most optimistic person of the year.
The reason being that everything in my own life, I will undoubtedly question it half to death. I may be a person that inspired the uninspired but when it comes to my own life, I find myself second guessing all the things that could otherwise give me a happier life. I try to be my own best friend that I end up being two people at the same time, deadlocked in what I need to do and what I want to do and it’s become so routine for me that I know no other life for myself than this private war of my own mind.
Can I be happy? Yes. But the answer lies in the fact that happiness isn’t just convincing myself that I want to be happy. It’s about giving myself…or rather my “selves” a reason to put aside our own differencs and just chill out. Being comforted and held would always help…but only in making sure I snap out of my own self-misery. I’m starting to think that if I am to be truly happy…it would be for the same reasons I give to my own friends – hope and faith in the things around you.
It’s time I try and find that in the people around me. It’s time I posed the question to find that in the people around me. Maybe I would always be happiest when I’m knee deep in pretty miserable shit…but at least by then, when I turn around…there would always be someone there to make even the heaviest things in life a stroll through the park with a smile on your face and the echoes of laughter of things just ahead.