Even if you don’t buy into the whole Buddhist philosophy, it is true that suffering is universal. But in this case, I’m taking it a little lower and focusing on love and relationships, something I seem to be talking a lot about these days.
It’s just that, based on what has been written and the comments replied on this post about choosing the right person, it made me realise just how universal people’s beliefs about love and relationships are. Then again, it’s not that you can’t have certain ideals when it comes to love and relationships. We all do. It’s just that the end of the day, there is something fundamentally wrong about waiting for the right person at the right moment because we don’t want to get hurt by making the wrong choice.
The argument of the author for waiting and being choosy when it comes to finding a guy is that if things do go wrong, it’s the woman who usually suffers more while the men just walk away as if everything is fine. While that may be the case for a lot of relationships, I certainly know that isn’t true for a lot of men, yours truly included. The thing about relationships when they go bad is that regardless of what you see, everyone hurts. Unless you’re an absolute bastard or a bitch of a person. You will hurt.
Everyone just has different ways of dealing with it and it’s not unusual for some guy to act like it doesn’t matter just as it’s not unusual for a girl to be devastated over it. Of course in the world that I know, a lot of guys do tend to be devastated over a breakup while the girl just acts like nothing matters. It may be matter of perspective, but the end result is still the same, it is an equal opportunity heart breaking event.
So why does this matter? It’s simple. If you’re not going to experience what’s out there in the belief that you can avoid the inevitable bump in the road to a relationship, you’re going to hurt more in the future when things truly do matter. The thing about love, like life is that you kinda have to break more than few eggs to make an omelette. Like I said before, there is no guarantee that your first relationship will be your only relationship because love isn’t the solution to everything.
More often than not, knowing what relationships are in theory is radically different from experiencing it between two people. More often than not, I know more first relationships failing because both sides don’t know how to compromise what they think of what relationships should be about, with what relationships actually are.
It is in that process of vulnerable hurt that we learn the fundamental basics of not just love, but relationships. It is in those moments that we may begin to realise that what we want for ourselves may be as false as what we expect our partners to be like. It doesn’t mean that it only affects one gender, it affects us all, whether we care to admit it or not.
The search for someone you want to spend the rest of your life with can be as brief as the life of a mayfly or as long as the rest of your life. The thing is, find that person doesn’t mean you know how to stay with them. That may be the greatest hurt of all to lose and the greatest lesson to learn about love.
I can only hope you’ve gone out, experienced, hurt and learned enough to never go through what some of us have lived through. Although in retrospect, having gone through that lesson, it’s made me appreciate the essence of what relationships are about and given me more than I can imagine as a better person and a partner. In that sense, maybe the greatest hurt of all in a relationship, is the greatest gift of all life that give.
That’s something worth thinking about.