Some people ask me, “How do you manage to blog about something everyday?”. I usually have one answer for them, “How do you manage to keep all those thoughts and feeling locked up in your heart all the time?”. Mostly people either shut up there or launch into some psuedo-philosophical discussion about how secrets and paranoia. She on the other hand answered with something unexpected, “I don’t keep it locked up. I have you don’t I?”
I think an “Aww shucks.” moment comes to mind. Though, it does feel like it, that my relationship with some people have been more or less based on the “talking diary” condition. How it gets to that point? I can’t even begin to speculate. How I eventually find people who consider me trustworthy enough to share their intimate secrets to? I can only but stab around blindly in the dark there.
Of course, being that kind of friend for so many people. There are days when I feel taken for granted, I feel as if that’s all I mean to the people that entrust me is an ear or an eye that is there to make them feel better about themselves, a little less lonely and a little more comforted.
Wait a minute…isn’t that what I want people to feel? I mean, let me think about it here for a second. I hate the parts of my life where I feel nothing but abandonment and so I make it a point in trying to be a friend for whoever wants me to be a friend. No harm in that. It isn’t so bad too. I mean…ok fine…somedays I feel taken for granted. Yet over the years, the people that leaned on me to listen to have their own special ways of making sure that the one that they trust doesn’t go completely insane from their rantings (not that your rantings are bad to begin it, it’s an embelishing blogging thing).
In that way, aren’t I comforted on the same level of friendship that I offer them in return? Someone to be there and do the best they to make sure that you’re always on a solid ground to climb up on? Just because I feel taken for granted doesn’t mean I actually am taken for granted. It just means I’m a little too insecure and stupid enough to see that friendship is a two way street and it actually is working in both directions in the best way two friends can offer.
So going back to the beginning, that’s how it works really. This is how I can blog everyday. My thoughts and feelings, all put down for me to just juggle around with and think about. The most important things to blogging is to have a life in the first place. Not a life that is defined by any other Tom, Dick, Harry and Jane, but a life that means something to you.
It doesn’t matter if you have a 100 friends or no friends at all. It matters that something matters to you and only you, and when it does…your life means something, it is worth something. Your blog means something. It just has life and many a time, that’s all that matters to it.