You know this day would come anyway and there wouldn’t be any excuse left but to admit the finality of the situation. You’ve tried. God knows how much and how hard you tried but as much as you have learnt a lot from it, in the end you just get pushed down to the simple truth. I realise it now.
My social life is confined to all things inorganic.
Ok don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I have a sexual relationship with Sarah and even IF for some obscure reason I did, it wouldn’t be in the manner of direct contact no matter how many holes she has to be plugged in. It’s just that given the circumstances in my life, all the social relationships that would mean something to me are either online or over the phone…from people I know online. As for the so called real-life relationships that I have. It’s good fun, but nothing as deep as I would usually prefer and as for my love life…well…we all know how catastrophic that has been especially in the last few months.
So really in the end I am truly more machine than man in many ways. I might not have a life as you or you or even you, but all I have is all of you to talk to over copper lines and digital encryption. For some reason no matter how much I try, a social life of the magnitudes I sit back and watch all of you have doesn’t seem to apply me, whether its a good or bad thing, I can’t tell. But there is one thing I can tell from all of this.
It is a sad thing.
So with this realisation that even with effort, my social life is still part of the digital age rather than the physical world, what do I do with it?
I guess the answer would have to be absolutely nothing.
If there is one thing I learnt in life is that when you have a situation where you have no idea where to go, the best thing to do is leave it alone and do something else that you know how to do. As long as where you stand doesn’t get worse from where it is, everything would work itself out in the end. I might not like the outcome but what can I do that I already haven’t done before?
All I can do is appreciate the people who have been there for me even if they could only stand in quiet despair and frustration that they could do nothing to help me. All I can do is keep on being strong for the people who do rely on me for that voice in the night or the shoulder to cry on or just that different opinion or information that could make a lot of difference. I may not be up there on the social stand as the rest of you guys.
But at least I’m out there to make sure you are.
If that’s a difference I can make, then at least its a hell lot more than I can figure out what to do to my life. It ain’t perfect, but neither is this world. Someone’s got to be life’s stagehands and as much as I would like to be the main cast…I guess I never made the cut. We all have our roles to play in whatever ways possible. I just started to really accept mine at this level.
So real life or not. This net…this world of digital information and data is important to me. It is the closest thing to finding friends, family and a home I can sleep to at night. And for those of you who know me, you know for a fact that I would do anything to protect that which I care for from the stupidity that threatens it from people that act like they are better than others.
This is the world I live in.
So don’t you dare fuck it up.
You know who you are.