It’s easy to complicate something as simple as love. We do it all the time and we’ve become very good at it. It always boils down to wanting more in the relationship and hanging on to the things that made us happy in the past. My conversations with Chooki lead her to say this to me:
“That’s like saying you want your cake and the plate it stands on too.”
Not that the anecdote made much sense to me then…or even now, but point she was making was that I can’t say my ex means much to me while I love Mel with all my heart. It doesn’t make sense at all. It wouldn’t be fair at all for the one I’m with…except that it makes perfect sense to the one I’m with and in a way, it plays fair in a delicate balance sort of way.
Sometimes, we can’t see past what we haven’t experienced and having relationships as intense as what I had would leave long lasting marks no matter what the situation. It’s just how it goes, you can’t pretend that it never made a difference in your life unless it really didn’t make a difference in your life to begin with. And my ex did make a big difference in my life for better or for worse.
We often say that moving on and putting the past behind us is something as all should do expecially in regards to love and relationships, but the truth is that when it means that much until you feel that your heart was split into two from it, letting go is something you can’t just wake up one morning and put aside. We tend to dwell too much on the pain of what was lost, that more often than not, we mask what we truly feel, compensating with our wanting desires by being with the ones we are now. It isn’t exactly what you call a healthy relationship, but then…neither is holding on to the past that way.
I would have to say that I will not let got of the past, it’s not that I can’t, I will not. That part of my past means a lot to me and as detrimental to the relationship as it is, I just happen to be with someone who understand how much the past makes us who we are. It isn’t to say that when the past comes back from time to time, that I would run to it with a drop of a pin, no…as much as I care for it, what continues to define me now is what I do to appreciate the present. In a way, I can have the past to thank for that. I can have her to thank for that. Come to think of it, I have both of them to thank for that.
So can someone “have their cake and the plate it was on” as well? Yeah…nothing is really impossible. Love and relationships are just words that we mouth out on a daily basis. At the end of the day, we’re the ones that still give it the meanings we take home to bed at night. After all, if it makes us happy, it can’t be that bad can it? If it makes you happy, why would you give yourself extra reasons to be so sad?