Lost Identities

It’s not easy to be the center of the storm. When emotions and events rage all around you, full of fire and ice, to steadfast yourself from giving in to that reality is perhaps one of the hardest things in life to do. Especially if you are that person what wears their feelings on their sleeve.

The past year has been more than a lesson for me to deal with the reality that I live in. Solitude makes no excuses for leaving the things that you need to do, out. Neither can we wait for a comforting shoulder or a helping hand while life continues it’s slow journey into an unknown future.

Whether it be knowing more than I ever thought I’d know or looking away from the things that people should think I know. Whether it be relying on my own sense of principles and perception or disregarding everything that makes the world that other people live in. Whether it be spearing ahead on the very things that you’re passionate about or holding back a chunk of who you are for the sake of something more than just what you want. It all boils down to what you’re willing to do and what you’re willing to become for the larger picture in life.

I know that I am not the easiest person in the world to be with. I know that and perhaps, I will never be someone whom people refer to fondly in conversations or even if I’m referred to at all. I’ve made peace with that. I can live with it. What I need to begin to live with is the possibility that what I am tomorrow will be a face I can’t recognize by who I am today.

And maybe that scares me more than facing what I face today and will face tomorrow. Is the price of an unachieved success worth the loss of an identity you’ve come to love and feel comfortable in? Do I even dare take that chance?

Maybe what’s really scary is that I don’t know any other answer other than yes.

7 thoughts on “Lost Identities

  1. I am where I am now, because of me and what I want and what I’m willing to do for it. I left friends and family, I left familiarity, to get what I want. Funny that being alone for such a long time, has actually led me to finding myself and discovering that this is really in me, that this is my identity. Even though I found my identity, I still am the same person inside. I don’t know, but I seem to think that people change, adopt different identities, but their “inner core” remains. If that makes any sense.

    I hope you will go for what you want and not worry about “leaving” an identity. You will always be you.

  2. Why is it about a loss of identity and not growth and development? We can’t remains static in the same spot, within a protected shell and in the same old comfort zone. We are always evolving, and part of it is shedding certain aspects of ourselves for a new and often better one. Our essence always remains the same, we do not lose our identity, we grow.

  3. Almost Loved: I’ve always changed with the times as child. Changed to suit the world around me, to be with the world around me. The thing is, none of them ever made me happy because those identities were never felt as real as the one I’ve stuck with now. What I am now, I’ve always been. That’s the identity I’m talking about. You as you. Not the masks we wear.

    Cléa: We adapt yes. Then how would you be able to tell the difference between the masks you wear to suit the environment and the person you are as yourself? That kind of duality is what always made me uncomfortable and unhappy with the life I live. Sometimes the new isn’t always better. Necessary, but not always for things that will leave you at peace.

  4. Not only in this post; I noticed that you are emphasizing on the concept of “duality” or multiple personalities within yourself/oneself. Hence, lost identities? At least I think there’s nothing wrong with the “masks” you are wearing to suit to the environment. In fact, we need the interpersonal skill (and the “masks”) to adapt to our environment and to deal with different kinds of people out there.

    Just an example, there are people like me whose personality is being honest to people almost all the time -I achieved the state of “being myself”- meanwhile I realized that I was wrong to behave so. Instead of being accepted by people, I have been stepped on by many people out there because of my honest nature.

    Yes, people will take advantage on honest people. What I wanted to say here is, to have a single personality is not good either. Human is dynamic in nature and this is true.

  5. My apology, network in my place was lagging and the comment I had submit is duplicated by mistake. Kindly delete either one and this one also. Pardon me for being stupid.

  6. Sknownotice: Being myself, I do alienate a lot of people. While not readily obvious in real life, it’s fairly obvious based on the reaction I get on some of my more honest thoughts in my writings here. I wouldn’t say it’s being stepped on, it’s just that I tend to see society as a place where people gravitate towards similar ideals and beliefs, rendering any differences of opinion as concepts that should either be changed or avoided. You’re right, there is no good or bad identities. But the world would stress on that otherwise. That’s what I face.

    Sknownotice: That’s alright. You’re not in the wrong. I get that sometimes with a bad connection. It’s no biggie.

  7. I believe it is Freud who said that we, as human beings, feel relieved when we say the truth and behave the way we feel is right. I find that this is right, in my experience, and I always think about the duality in me. How I want to behave and how I must behave in order to get what I want.

    Success in this world is a tricky thing. One must think well which paths he will take and walk on.

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