It’s not easy to be the center of the storm. When emotions and events rage all around you, full of fire and ice, to steadfast yourself from giving in to that reality is perhaps one of the hardest things in life to do. Especially if you are that person what wears their feelings on their sleeve.
The past year has been more than a lesson for me to deal with the reality that I live in. Solitude makes no excuses for leaving the things that you need to do, out. Neither can we wait for a comforting shoulder or a helping hand while life continues it’s slow journey into an unknown future.
Whether it be knowing more than I ever thought I’d know or looking away from the things that people should think I know. Whether it be relying on my own sense of principles and perception or disregarding everything that makes the world that other people live in. Whether it be spearing ahead on the very things that you’re passionate about or holding back a chunk of who you are for the sake of something more than just what you want. It all boils down to what you’re willing to do and what you’re willing to become for the larger picture in life.
I know that I am not the easiest person in the world to be with. I know that and perhaps, I will never be someone whom people refer to fondly in conversations or even if I’m referred to at all. I’ve made peace with that. I can live with it. What I need to begin to live with is the possibility that what I am tomorrow will be a face I can’t recognize by who I am today.
And maybe that scares me more than facing what I face today and will face tomorrow. Is the price of an unachieved success worth the loss of an identity you’ve come to love and feel comfortable in? Do I even dare take that chance?
Maybe what’s really scary is that I don’t know any other answer other than yes.