Macho Men Don’t Win The Girls (That Matter)

What is it about the male sense of macho that disturbs me? Is it the whole “It’s a man’s territory” thing? Is it the “We dominate, you follow” thing? Or would it be the entire “My penis is bigger than yours” bit? I can’t really pinpoint a direct reason why I avoid exhuming the macho self, but for most part I’ve felt pretty comfortable being anything else but chauvinistic.

That has always bumped heads with men who don’t like the whole whimpy, emo culture. It’s not that I’m whimpy and all emotional, though I have to say that I did wear those clothes once. It’s that I make no pretence telling the world how I feel. If I’m scared of it, I’ll tell you I’m scared of it rather than having you leave your back unwatched in the dark. If I don’t know how to do it, I’ll tell you I don’t know how to do it rather than making things worse because I screwed it up. If I like you, I’ll tell you I like you, no harm, no foul.

I’ve always had this inkling that the male ego is an excuse for men to keep feeling insecure. People (not necessarily just men) hide behind their own sense of pride to cover any lacking that they have. For men, it’s become part of our ego. That undying sense to prove that we’re in the right, that we’re better all the time. Sure it works when we’re in a job that demands a lot from us. It doesn’t really work when we’re in a relationship though, at least the ones that matter.

I know I heard this line somewhere but I can’t recall where I heard it from, or it could be something I said at one time and forgot that I was the one that said that.

“Macho men get the young girls, the ones that want to have their fun in life. Sensitive men get the responsible women, the ones that want to stay with you for life”

I can’t really say that I know if the responsible women want to stay with you for life, but in all my years of being just me, being the meek guy has always attracted the women too fed up with the male macho bullshit. While a lot can be said for a guy who win a woman over, more can be said for anyone who can keep the intimacy open for a very long time. For those of you who know the what it’s all about, you know this is true.

By all means, I’m not saying that you should be a wimpy crybaby that breaks down when something goes wrong. Sensitivity has always been about understanding what’s been felt by the people you’re with, much less admitting what you’re feeling yourself. Women need emotional security even though we try and deny our need for ours. But it’s there, it’s always been there reason for anyone willing to make sense of the emotional turmoil and bring a little peace to it.

Any man can win a woman over with an imposing presence, but it doesn’t necessarily mean they can keep the woman with it. Not unless they are the very bad men with disturbing thoughts. There is more to a relationship with a woman than physical and financial security. There is also that warm fuzzy place in the head and heart that you need to win over. You can’t do that when even you deny it in yourself.

Not by a long shot.

17 thoughts on “Macho Men Don’t Win The Girls (That Matter)

  1. Don’t you realise that most of these man drives more expensive car than you and i to make up for their insecurities?

  2. How right you are.

    On the other hand, all warm and fuzzy, and no emotional security (I don’t just mean the butterflies in the stomach, fireworks in the air, that kinda warm and fuzzy) such as actually being there for you, accepting who you are, instead of just lip service is not enough either.

    We need a proper balance of both. Oh, and those who still go for, or does the male macho bullshit, needs to grow up.

  3. “Macho men get the young girls, the ones that want to have their fun in life. Sensitive men get the responsible women, the ones that want to stay with you for life”

    I’ve said it before: All this means is the macho guys get to screw the sensitive guys’ girlfriends first! 🙂

  4. There’s another word for these type of guys.

    We call ’em the Alpha male.

    The other males tend to idolise and hopes to be like them, coz they’re 31337.

  5. Stupe: Cars aren’t everything you know.

    Tine: It’s all about the balance between all the securities that makes things work.

    Cad: Most women are smart enough to be fed up with all that male macho bullshit to go for things like that. That may have worked when we’re young, not when we’re all older and wiser.

    Shadowfox: Cause they are what?

  6. “Most women are smart enough to be fed up with all that male macho bullshit to go for things like that. That may have worked when we’re young, not when we’re all older and wiser.”

    So, guess who gets the booty while it’s fresh? Then, when they get bored, the sensitive guys can take their turn……:)

    This might be hard to take, but thats the way the world goes, i’m afraid.

  7. If you like staying single with a string of bad relationship later on in life. By all means, take them while it’s fresh. Such is joys of youth. Might as well enjoy it while is lasts right?

  8. I’ve always felt that guys who are more emotional, and i don’t mean the over-sensitive ones, are more comfortable in their own skin and more confident. So they don’t feel the need to hide behind a veil of machoness.

    Women absolutely love men who can not only relate to their feelings, but also relate his own feelings.

    Men who pretend they don’t have an ounce of emotion drive us crazy!!! As in drag-them-out-to-the-street-and-beat-them-up-just-to-see-them-cry-and-prove-they-have-some-emotion crazy!

    To me, macho-ness is such a turn off!

  9. I beg to differ with your “win over any woman with imposing presence” statement, even! 🙂 But that differing would be consistent with the point you make about attracting young women/fun vs. responsible women/for life bit. So yes, women *do* learn. We hope! As for myself, I’m attracted to sensitive (not to be confused with “push-over”) guys who don’t need that wall up. In reality, a girl who knows what she wants will sense that wall from a mile away and knows that it’s covering up a lot of the guy’s own issues. She’s got other things to worry about rather than coddle to a guy who can’t get his act together or is afraid of himself.

  10. Sabrina: How right you are. Though, people seem to think that being emotionally sensitive means being a crybaby, which isn’t it. That I blame on the current “emo” culture that has sprung forth within the past few years.

    Esther: Though I’ve often noticed that any woman tends to find charismatic and confidant guys attractive. That’s what imposing presence meant for me at least. Again, you understand that sensitive doesn’t mean wimpy crybaby because no girl wants to mother the guy she’s dating. That being said, no girl wants to put up with a guy who thinks the world revolves around him either, right?

  11. and just as men are awful for acting macho, women are awful for their pickiness. you say you do not like macho, but you also say you do not like a wimpy crybaby. what you like is somewhere in between.

    why do you girls always have to make things so hard for us?

  12. Randy: it’s not hard. It’s just that the opposite of being macho doesn’t have to be a wimpy crybaby. That’s the misconception. It’s just understanding that other people have feelings to. Knowing what to do with that knowledge is what women want in a guy.

  13. You’re doing exactly what they’re doing. But they’re being up front about it, while you’re being subversive. They’re aggressive, while you’re passive-aggressive

  14. Macho men win…period. A woman might say she wants a sensitive guy but women never say what they mean. I am a very sensitive guy and nowhere near a pushover, and I have had ZERO success with women. Noone will like me saying this, but it’s true. Women want to be controlled.

  15. Hostile: I’m a woman. I don’t want or need to be controlled. If you’re non-verbally presenting this to the world, I don’t wonder where your lack of success derives.
    I think Kami is talking about striking a balance, an invisible line that is of confidence, compassion and the ability the hear.

  16. I have a macho man as my boyfriend and hes a typical macho man…i mean controls me and never share any feelings, hes got a selective hearing, dont give me any loving and i get fed up with it now i need a sensitive guy who really knows how to treat a real woman right…the one who gives me loving caress me all the time….

  17. In the one relationship I’ve had where the woman was head over heals for me, I played the bad guy. I was at times mean to her. Even physically abusive. I defended her reputation withother men through violence or threat of violence. I even left her when she got pregnant. Yes my bad boy attitude had been what she wanted – she even steered me towards it, but it came at a great cost to me, emotionally. She would not allow me to show affection or tenderness to her for very long. She was the most loving girlfriend I ever had, but I never got the chance to enjoy it or appreciate it until many years after we broke up. Yes, I had a girl who would die for me, but I had evolved into a monster, really. And I regret most that I was not tender with her, or ever told her I loved her.

    Now I’m just a loser sensitive guy who has tears in his eyes at romantics movies and continually strikes out with women.

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