Whether it be love or a simple friendship, we all have our ideas on how we want to pursue these relationships. Such idealism is not without its danger though. More often than not, we are hurt because the ideals we hold true so strongly don’t work in a reality we live in.
It feels like every time we work so hard to build a relationship based upon the ideals that we consider honorable and just or romantic and true, our world gets turned over and proven wrong. Condemning us to the bitter isolated melancholy that is our pride humiliated and our hopes in ruin. A long time ago, I was just another face hurt by having my ideals spat in my own face. Today, it’s a whole different story.
It just takes a while to realise that no matter how much we put stock into the ideals that friends should be there when we need them or that love is the basis for all relationships, those ideals can’t exist in the real world. They may work for some people lucky enough to not have been hurt, but for the rest of us who do live our lives as it should, those hopes are seem nothing more than fragile strings in a freak storm.
A recent conversation with an old friend brought out the contrasting ideals of what I used to believe and what I hold on to now. How we pursue our ideals with as much faith and conviction as possible so that its purity isn’t corrupted in the face of reality, shattering its meaning, and thus all we have worked for. In her mind, she will keep holding on to her beliefs regardless of all the factors that serve to corrupt how she thinks love and friendship should be. Like a shining beacon in the night, she strives to fight the death of common sense and romanticism by casting aside everything that serves to destroy it like our greed and selfishness.
In retrospect, I have embraced that corruption, impurity and darkness that society has deemed a hindrance to their ideals of the perfect friendship or relationship. I accept that no matter what we do, people will always remain human. Our greed and selfishness for the moments are proof of that humanity. So rather than casting aside what makes us who we are, I believe that we have to focus on what we do best and compensate for what we lack. Rather than starting a paradise in which you cast away the undesirables, you start with a barren desolate plot in which you build your perfect garden.
Roughly translated though it means that instead of trying to fit in people to our ideals of right and wrong, we figure that everyone is screwed up anyway and make do with them as friends or lovers by filling in the gaps in which they lack. That way, we’re disappointed less if people do what people tend to do because we were expecting them to ruin a good thing. At the same time, the moments can be enjoyed for what they are, even surprising us that they lasted so long for what its worth.
In some ways, I value what my friend is doing because it was exactly what I used to do in days past, fighting to preserve the sanctity of my beliefs and I succeeded in keeping it afloat for as long as possible before it all came crashing down on me. She is doing what I could not do and I respect her wholly for that. I just stand by my way doing things now. Rewriting the concepts of friendship and love to suit not what I want, but what I see the world is. In understanding and accepting the worst in us, can we possibly hope to build the best that we are capable of.
Maybe we’re not too different in the way we both stand by our beliefs. Just polar opposites of the same desires for love and a connection to our own kind, to which I don’t think any one else would shy away either. We all do what we think is best for the sake of never being alone and that probably connects us better in ways that no of our concocted beliefs can ever come close to achieving. If only that alone could be the basis for friendships around the world, peace would be an understatement of an achievement.
Of course though, the world doesn’t work that way either.