It’s a simple question, to which I have a simple and honest answer.
I do not know.
In my defense, happiness is something I’ve never really sought in my life. I’ve learnt from a very young age that with happiness, comes everything else that’s not exactly happy. Misery and pessimism for one are worlds I’m much more accustomed to living. Not to say that it’s always a bad thing to be living in a cynical world where you have to endure the roller coaster of emotions all the time. It’s just that when you look at things this way, to appreciate the simple moments of happiness, you have to appreciate the abyss as well.
Yet, if I look back at my life right now. Everything I’ve seen. Everything I’ve gone through. Everything I’ve endured. Everything I’ve achieved. Everything I have. I have a lot of things in the world that many people don’t. Then again, I also don’t have a lot of things in the world that many people take for granted. If there are a million and one things in the world I should be happy for, there are also a million and one things I shouldn’t be smiling at.
So no. I don’t really know whether I’m happy with my life because I stand right in the middle of the fence. It’s hard to be happy when you know what it cost to get the things you want. It’s harder still to be sad when you know you’ve gotten them already.
What I am is content and at peace with my life. Now that’s something I would walk the fine line for for as long as I draw breath.