The Right Person Or The Person Right Now?

Today on Quofda, they ask my question. Given the topsy turvy state of affairs when it comes to relationships, who would you choose between? The right person? Or the person right now? To answer that, let me give you a brief summary of what is the right person in my book.

When it comes to matters like this, I would still like to believe that despite everything I have been through, I am still a romantic. There has always been a criteria to be fulfilled when looking for that next person to go out with. The right girl for me would always have to be smart and open to new things. It wasn't until later that I realized every girl I've had a relationship with wasn't just smart and adventurous, they have to be emotionally dysfunctional as well.

Of course, that's usually where the criteria for me ended. I don't know why I never bought into it, but I've always had an inkling as a child that fairy tale mockups of our perfect prince or princess just cannot exist. Because that being said, finding emotionally dysfunctional women who feel more than they think is easy. Finding emotionally dysfunctional women who are on the other side of spectrum being near sociopaths is hard, and that's usually the right person for me.

Then again, I've never really had any problems with women. Don't get me wrong, while it has always been easy for me to go out on a date with any girl, it's always been been hard to find someone I can get into. The past few years however have been fulfilled by those right women. While the past may have been a bittersweet tale of love lost. It's present however is one of remarkable discoveries.

The irony in this is that while I may have lost someone who was the right person from the very beginning. I found a person right now who every day is looking more and more like someone who is my perfect half.

So what do I get from all this? That finding the right person doesn't always mean a perfect ending? That there is no harm in being with the person right now if there was a remote chance that something more might develop? I doesn't take a genius to realize both those points. I'm not saying that we should all settle for the person right now and hope for the best. I'm just saying that it's always good to have a sensible choice of traits in your head and then go with the flow. I don't know, maybe in my case, I know no one else has that kind of luck in relationships. But that doesn't discount the most important lesson here.

Sometimes it isn't about the right person or the person right now. Sometimes it's about the right person, right now. You never know what you might discover and sometimes you might find yourself with a story you just don't want to end.

And that's my answer to the question. What about yours?

6 Comments

  • Brendan
    January 30, 2008 - 16:06 | Permalink

    I’ve stopped believing in perfect matches because whatever the permutations, one indisputable constant remains – people change.

    What seems so right today may seem so wrong next week, and vice versa. I once lost a perfect mate to someone whom she thought was more perfect than I was. And I’m celebrating a happy 9 years with someone whom I rated 1 out of 5 on our first date.

    I hate to say it but it does look to be the roll of a dice. The only thing within our control is to put our best effort in and hope that as time progresses, there continues to be enough reason for both sides to stay in the relationship than to be out of it.

    That’s where kids come in handy. It distracts the couple away from each other’s imperfections and sometimes (not always), it makes them more forgiving. It may sound like the wrong reason to stay together but I suppose in the end, its a question of what’s ideal but imaginary over what works. Ask yourself which would you rather have if you could only choose one.

  • January 30, 2008 - 22:12 | Permalink

    I have a saying I still follow. There are no perfect people to have relationships. Just perfect relationships between imperfect people.

    What you seem to talk about is the perfect person as the perfect match, something I don’t subscribe to anymore. The thing about perfect matches is that at the end of it, both people have to change together, in the same direction for things to work. You still can have the perfect match with someone who wants you to fulfill the half of their whole. When that happens, you have to discover together what you can offer and what you can receive in return, for as long life goes on.

  • Brendan
    January 31, 2008 - 08:39 | Permalink

    Changing together – you mean like twins? Yeah I can see that would be ideal but for that to happen, both parties wud have to be a product of identical conditioning won’t they. Biological clones raised by the same parents will probbaly have the same reactions and outlook to life but for two humans coming together from completely different circumstances and value systems, I’m not so sure.

    I suppose you could find a mate who thinks and acts the same way you do but wouldn’t that be opposite to the idea of filling the vacuum in your life.

    I believe differences are why people come together. Ironically differences are the also recipe for friction. Lovers disagree on things. They have different opinions. They digest life’s changes at different paces and so is their rate of reacting to those changes.

    So unless you’re twins with the same brain chemistry and all, I don’t see how its possible for 2 people to change at the same time. But reading your post again, I suspect the real issue you’re trying to address is happiness, not perfection because to me real happiness occurs not because of the lack of imperfection but in spite of it. It means getting only 80% of what you want but still being able to home with a smile, hug your significant other and tell him/her how was your day. It means contentment in spite of the imperfections.

  • January 31, 2008 - 10:26 | Permalink

    No. Not like twins, but like two people who have been together for a long long time.

    Think of a road in which you and your partner walk on. As you change the road you’re on, so does your partner change in parallel to yours. In effect everything changes yes, but they are still your perfect match. Perfect in relation to where both people are. People grow and in this case, you want to grow with them.

    Of course the best relationships need opposing sides, but of the same coin. You still need a central commonality to share, whether it be a goal, a desire, an ambition. As long as you two share a same road. Where one goes, the other isn’t far behind. You still come back to each other at the end of the day. It works. Then there are the more usual opposing traits and habits that need one another to complement, like you said. It spices things up, helps everyone grow, but without a common point, you don’t want to seem too alien to one another. That kills the relationship in any way.

    I was never talking about perfection per say. Not as finding the perfect match. Neither am I talking about happiness either. I’m just answering the question if I had to choose between the right person and the person right now, who would I choose and the answer is there. The right person, right now.

  • February 4, 2008 - 08:10 | Permalink

    Good discussion topic you have here.
    I don’t believe in one sole person out there for ever. Our needs, likes and dislikes change with time but it’s how we deal with change determines longevity or otherwise of a relationship.

    Thanks for your visit :).

  • June 12, 2008 - 10:20 | Permalink

    People need to understand each other, that’s the key, and religion also hold important role to achieve happy life. Keep the spirit !

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