This week on Quofda’s Question of the Day, they asked a question that I can guarantee you know has asked themselves, save for me. Because ironically it’s been a question that I have asked myself ever since I knew what I wanted in life all those years ago. The question of to me, the ultimate choice to make.What road do I take between living forever and loving forever?
At a glance, you can tell that this is a childish question. Since no living person on God’s green Earth can live forever, that makes this question null, void and entirely hypothetical. But since I was a child when I first asked myself this question, let’s just assume this once that my insane plan for clinical immortality was more than just a good science fiction tale.
To live forever at least, it takes more than an obsession and a lot of genetic work. The question that everyone walking this path has to ask themselves is, “Why would you want to live forever?”. If there are people readily qualified to tell you that it isn’t worth it, I should be one of them. Life is probably the hardest thing in the world to live with.
It’s built on uncertainties and principles we can’t even begin to imagine. It’s littered with pots of gold and minefields of misery. If we’re lucky, it could be one of the most wonderful things there are to be in. If we’re not and more often, we’re not. We’ll spend at least half our lives wondering what’s the point of it all, reaching and clawing out of mistakes we make because we didn’t have a manual telling us not to screw up. Things change. Nothing else lasts forever. Most importantly, people die. It’s depressing enough that no one should have to live longer than they should.
But I want to.
It is about those uncertainties and things I can’t even imagine. It’s all about those littered pots of joy and shadows of misery. It’s all about screwing up and learning from your mistakes that leads us to appreciate the subtle beauty that is life. Things come and go, but it’s the realization that there is just so much out there to explore and discover, it’s hard for me to deny that I’m not drawn to that life. The thing is…I realized early on that in knowing where all the mines are, in gaining the wisdom needed to enjoy life, we die. And that’s not really acceptable for me from the start.
So I’ve always wanted to live forever. Living a childish dream that has since pushed me to go further than I’d thought I’d go. A childish dream that until today remains at the farthest end of the goal. I live accepting that while every day I wake up may be my last, it’s still one day closer to achieving that dream. Every single choice in my life was never an accident to begin with. I am where I am taking every opportunity as it comes.
That is until now.
Now I am in love. Now I hold with me the wisdom and experience to keep that love. Now I have something that I can live for yet at the same time to die for. Despite that calling for a universe to explore, there comes a time when I just want to lie in the arms of the person I love for the rest of my living days. It’s not hard to imagine giving up eternity for the bliss of companionship. I just don’t know yet if that is the road I will take.
Don’t get me wrong, maybe things could be as simple as the both of us living forever, exploring that infinite existence together. Maybe it’s as simple as love in all its abstract glory will always be forever as long as you cherish the memories and reasons why you were in it the first place. But going back to the question, if I had to choose between one of the two choices. I know what I’d pick.
And it isn’t love.
It’s hard for me to explain why I’d choose living forever to love. The best I can try is to say that there is an endless amount of questions out there waiting to be answered. There are an infinite and one things in the universe that’s bigger than you, bigger than me and bigger than love itself. I couldn’t truly live without knowing that I did try, that I reached out into that unknown and had some good times. I couldn’t live with myself knowing I gave that all up. For anything else maybe, but not the dream that has always been my reason for existing.
Of course, at the end of the day when you put back that this is a hypothetical question that requires a fair bit of mad science to achieve, such things just aren’t possible. Then again…I have succeeded in graduating with degrees in medical biotechnology and medical sciences to begin with. Then again…I have started working on my own research into subjects of my own arena.
Then again…even with hypothetical questions such as this, anything is possible isn’t it?