I tend to make friends with troubled people or at least people in need of a helping hand. I think somewhere along the course of my life, that somehow became fate’s prerogative for me. Yet, along this road, I walked the bumpy path as well, bound by my own fears, weighed down by my own self-pitiful misery. Then, everything changed and until today I really have no idea when I started to embrace the possibility that I can be happy.
But that’s the thing isn’t it? We all go through that cycle in our youths. We start innocent. We learn about the world. We have ideas. We get kicked by the real world. We fall from grace. We dwell in our self-loathing towards everything. Then from there on end, we either come to grips with the world and move on or we just fail to succeed in life. Sometimes I don’t know which is the scarier option. To move on knowing that accepting anything that comes in your way because you’re so afraid to be alone or to stop moving and stay tormented where you are.
Maybe that’s why many people turn to religion later in their lives, not because they suddenly found purpose in the divine, but because they are running away from whatever hell they imagined their world to be if they don’t pull their act together. Between you and me, running away from the consequences of your mistakes is a whole different ball game to doing things because you know how to be responsible.
Yet the choices in life will always be the same, one can either lead to you being happy and the other will lead to you being sad. And it’s not always as easy as you think. The better choices in life don’t always come with the happy tag and we all know that the road to hell is often paved with good intentions. But my choices was never about the good or the bad, the happy or the sad. No. It was never about making choices based on moral compasses or pleasing my own self. It was always about whether or not I could pay for the consequence of my actions now or later because that’s what it’s all about.
Maybe happiness isn’t about the good things or the joyful things in life. Maybe happiness is about being comfortable that heaven and hell are abstracts of our own fear of what we do. That regardless of what happens, you will reap what you sow in life, good and bad. Happiness was never about what you’ll get. It’s about what you’re going to do when you get it.
So maybe I don’t have to remember the exact moment I realized that I could be happy. Maybe all I have to do is what I did the moment I realized it. You know what?
I’ve been doing it ever since.