The Domestic Man

It’s sad that traditional asian culture which just happens to make up for most asian lives is partially based on the idea that the man has to be the base breadwinner of the family. Though…I do have friends from other countries that have that same feeling too when it comes to the classic “chauvinistic” man image. The odd thing is…I never did buy into that whole “I’m a man, hear me make Tarzan-like noises” bit.

Me: She wears the pants in the relationship.
Chauvinistic guy: You’re a wuss man!! You should put your foot down and tell your bitch that you’re in charge!!
Me: Ummm…right.

Ok, the conversation lasted longer than that, but that’s how it could be summerized in fact. Though I think the conversation would have been more condensed into something that goes like this.

Me: She wears the pants in the relationship.
Me: Ummm…right.

No, it’s just a language I don’t buy and can’t understand because at the end of it, in all my relationships that I’ve been before. Doing what I do and being who I am in all this has always gotten me the better end of the deal.

Mel: I like you because you see right through me and that you have no qualms in accepting what you see in me, even if that means you’re not the one in charge of the relationship, even if it means I’m more ambitious than you, even if that means I might go farther than you. No other guy I’ve been with could see that. No other guy I’ve been with could live with that.
Me: Well…if you can live with that, then so can I…besides…if I left you to cook, the kitchen would have probably burnt down, then where am I going to cook MY dinner?

The point really is that while we’re all so used to the fact that the man takes charge of the relationship in most needful aspects, what happens when the roles are reversed? How many women could handle that kind of scrutiny from the public eye and social pressure? How many guys out there can completely accept the near total reversal of who is wearing the pants in the relationship? In fact I know none. Do you?

3 thoughts on “The Domestic Man

  1. We need more people like you. Not necessarily men-who-are-not-in-charge, but people who can understand what their specific roles are and are not threatened by power.

  2. I know a few, and they have been professional men who have no qualms of who earns more money, who stays home and look after kids, whose career is put on hold. I know a couple who are happily “under the thumb” because they’re happy in their relationships.

    Wearing the pants doesn’t have to be static. It can be shared depending on who wears the pants in the kitchen, in finances, in the shopping etc. I believe decisions should be made jointly.

  3. Tiara: Thanks. I don’t mind that role reversal of power. I just don’t see why I should be on top all the time when she’s clearly better at it than me.

    ChickyBabe: When you put it that way, there is balance I guess. Between what’s on the outside and on the inside. Though I was referring to how alot of cultures especially in Asia see control as the people who actually bring home the bacon or have the capabilities to bring the bacon home or how being at home is a woman duty.

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