The Hypocrisy Of Blogs…

Whether we like it or not, the entire purpose of a blog is all about attention. Whether we realise it or not, a blog is simply our thoughts and feelings placed out there on the net for everyone to view and scrutinize. Even if you DO password protect it or do your best to hide it, what is the point of doing such a thing in the first place? If you really don’t want people to see…then you might as well put it on pen and paper.

No school like old school when it comes to hiding stuff.

So it came to an important realisation…even if we write who we are in our blogs, there is a certain level of attention seeking whether we admit it or not. I’m not saying it is a wrong thing or a right thing. I am just saying that it is what it is. Anyone who blogs online can’t seriously deny a level of personal satisfaction when they know people have been reading what they write.

After all…that is what it is. Nothing can be more satisfying to a blogger when a person reads and shares their thoughts and favourable opinions on their posts. It’s what blogging therapy is about really…especially in regards to personal blogs who put their entire feelings on the line out there for the world to see.

That’s where the hypocrisy starts.

It’s starting to become increasingly obvious people tend to avoid depressing or philosophical blogs in general because it gives them a headache and for fears that it makes them depressed to think about it. Taking myself into example here is what someone said about my blog when I wasn’t around.

(xxxxx): cos almost always…after reading…i am filled with an untold grief.

It’s not really my intention to fill people with untold grief. It seriously isn’t. I’m blogging exactly who I am and what I’m going through at the moment. I don’t have the happy tales to tell people like other people who get better hits. I’m not in a line where I can twist and turn words into works of art that make you laugh your socks off. I’m not one of those people who at the moment can enjoy the company of a relationship or spend my life in a relaxed mood enough to enjoy his life.

I’m not all those.

I’m me. My blog is me. I write because this is what I’m going through at the moment. Yes…and I admit…I write too because I have no one to share my sentiments too when I need them the most. It’s always bad time to have all these insecurities come up when no one is listening. But again…that is me. It just so happens that my blog is the focal point of my social life and there is not a damn thing I can do about it.

The hypocrisy is there simply because the same people who advocate people for writing who they are on their blogs don’t have the same heart to take people for who they are in their posts. “Congratulations you write for who you are…but I’m sorry I can’t accept you for who are.” Gee whiz…the friends who you think you can rely on to be there.

It’s like saying I’m there for you…then bolting when you need it.

If you blog for who you are, then having friends through blogs is no different than friends in real life. If friendship is about being there for who you are in spite of yourself, then how are blogs any different? So what if a person writes sad things about their lives? Is that any reason to pay no attention to them? Are you that selfish and self centered that you only care about your own happiness rather than being there for a person who needs to be happy? Are you saying you won’t care for a sad friend in real life? Here is the thing…there are people who pour their life into what they write.

Blogging is as real to them as anything else in this world.

Maybe it’s just people like me who pays more attention to those “depressing” blogs because it’s who I am, I don’t want to see people sad. I care for it the same way I care for anyone I know in real life and online. I’m not asking you to care for every depressing blog you find like me, but if you’re interested enough to return time and time again. Then don’t complain that the person writes depressingly…just stand by them instead. Hurt always takes time to heal.

But having someone there makes it go away faster.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re in the real world or in your blog. In the end…there is nothing wrong with writing for who you are, it’s just sad that other people don’t practice what they preach or are willing to stand by the responsibilities of what they say is the better thing to do.

Well…all I can do is keep doing what I try to do.

Write who I am and hope for the best of things.

That at least messages like this reach the people I want to reach.

But that’s only wishful thinking for a small fry like me.

22 thoughts on “The Hypocrisy Of Blogs…

  1. “…cos almost always…after reading…i am filled with an untold grief”

    I said that. You were not around because but you left in a huff just before I manage to get it into the channel. I do read grief blogs but not as often because I still have not come to terms with my own sadness.

  2. I do believe (as Freud intuited) that it is melancholics who know the world better. Melancholics do have a broader bandwidth. Many truths don’t bear scrutiny. And so, that is often his curse, and sometimes also his blessing.

    He sees beauty in more things, which is a luxury, because it is not a biological imperative. His curse is that his outlook on life cannot be optimistic, since his (more accurate) reading of people and events seldom gives him cause for cheer.

    The melancholic is also rewarded with a richer sensory world. He can take joy in the most mundane of things, such as sitting on his pot, for instance, and that’s reason enough for him to get out of bed each morning.

    Take heart!

  3. hey there…
    its nice to come across people like you, people that give a damn…sometimes i feel that all i do write about concerns grief, insecurities, anger, injusticesness that i’ve felt over time. I rarely have interesting posts to entertain, but that’s my life story..i wish i had a great job to boast about, a model family, or perfect friends to show off, or a love returned…but i dont!therefore, its only natural that my posts take melancholic undertones..so i understand what you’re saying,dear…
    i’ve had people say that my blog is a source of their entertainment, and of course by that they mean only the funny,interesting ones….not the real, sad ones…but i’ve seen your comments on my ‘negative’ entries…and its people like you that make me force myself to write about things that are important to me, things that help me find myself..
    thanks a whole lot!

  4. Pete: It’s an example, you’re not the only one who doesn’t visit blogs what are melancholic. There are planty of people who do the same and they all can’t be grief stricken all the same.

    Percolator: I wouldn’t say seeing more with the little things in life necessarily means we know the world better. It’s just that we take things into perspective differently than the rest. That different option that people need most of the time. Yeah you’re right though…it is both our curse and our gift. Guess we have to use it for something good right?

    Anucia: Glad to be able to make a difference. 🙂

  5. I completely respect your opinion as it makes sense. I still blog for who I am, and I am more often than not a happiness-deprived soul but I decided to blog in a positive light because i like entertaining people. self-therapy varies from person to person. so what else can i say? keep on blogging, girl!

  6. “But having someone there makes it go away faster.”

    You’re right about that. Although sometimes that I feel I purposely push people away so that I could just continue to moan and be depressed alone. But it’s always nice to have someone to share your sadness with.

  7. Disco-very: Umm…thanks…but I’m a guy.

    Norzu: No one should ever bear the burden of facing things off alone. That’s always why good company always makes things better when we’re down. Because why would we put things down if we don’t want other people to know what we’re going through?

  8. Who is to say who depresses who?

    Think about this: What did ‘untold grief’ mean anyway? It describes the ‘other’? If it does, surely you’d have to have known ‘untold grief’ yourself to recognise it. Has that (your) grief also not been told, again and again albeit in different narratives to others?

    Told or untold, we all have our griefs.

    In telling we almost certainly seek respite or relief if only by (merely) seeking to get it off our chests. Catharsis is therapy. Even if no one appears to be listening. If the telling finds understanding and kindness (and most times it has/does, wouldn’t you say!), then it’s a great comfort to know we are not alone in our grief. That’s God’s grace for both ‘teller’ and ‘listener’.

    If you can’t bear reading, don’t. There is no merit in opining (even unwittingly) that someone else’s grief somehow assails or afflicts you. The teller surely could not have intended to cause his/her reader ‘untold grief’ ! Two little words ‘untold grief’ – instead of conveying empathy, may end up inflicting even further grief on the ”teller’. Can there be any grace in this for either grief-teller or reader?

    “For it is in giving that we receive…”

    Peace be with you all.

  9. ed, i blog coz im horny. does that count? =p
    well, hm yeah. better go off and get nakey now. mwah.

  10. Ed: Very loosely,

    admitting to sin doesn’t disguise that sin has been committed.

    that very act of first … saying blogging something, is always begging for opinions…

    but I came across this fantastic quote, from Scalzi (http://www.scalzi.com/) which, in two sentences, sums up how I feel towards visitors.

    ‘I like it when people who have viewpoints that are different than mine come to the site, make their points from an informed position and participate in the give and take that comes out of that with other people in the comment threads. I don’t like it when people with no more knowledge on a subject than any random chicken stroll by, vomit up a gout of nonsense, and try to pass it off as a useful contribution to the discussion. My readership deserves better than to be presented by this kind of crap.’

    — says Scalzi here: http://www.scalzi.com/whatever/002963.html

    At the end of the day, as bloggers, though we try, most of our readers are not invited. And you know. we can’t choose our followers you know. You can’t help it that some fans are funnier than others, and some fans hate to love you (or love to hate you).

    I profess to be a fence-sitter (I can’t believe I’ve said this either).

    p.s. that disco-very still said ‘girl’ made me crack up wickedly.

    pps. suddenly i feel like vomitting chicken. GAG!

  11. urm. i meant, a vomiting chicken!

    shucks. and I call myself an editor. Shame on me. Shame on me.

    (I feel like a chicken again)

  12. Chooki: I have no idea what you’re talking about being as drunk as I am right about now. But all I can say is this, I’m at a point where I would rather have any attention to my blog whether good or bad because sincerely I’m used to bad attention and I never had much of any public attention at all. Secondly for a person who so hates fence-sitters to comment and commented to be a fence sitter…you lost a lot of brownie points of respect on my part. I may be drunk…but I’m not blind.

  13. ED!!! you’re not supposed to be blind… I digress again, so this is personal, (the rest of the world, butt out and leave us alone while I say my piece with a dear friend of mine).

    FYI I don’t recall ever saying in your words that I hated fence sitters to comment, but if I did, please correct me and pull out the blog post which I said so and I will gladly apologize. And if I did so in the past, when I read this post of yours, I’ve come to a point of, ‘I don’t know whether there’s a side to take.’ Or perhaps you, erm… haven’t been reading my blog recently?

    Doesn’t matter that.

    BTW, i didn’t know that it was necessary to take a stance on issues where I personally AM undecided (either by way of chance, or by way of ‘timing’) in order to earn brownie points. And I never knew that brownie points was ever in your… well, whatever it is. Differing may our views be from time to time, it never did occur to me that you were keeping a scoresheet of what I did right, and what I did wrong. I have offended you severely in the past, but of course, so have you. Friends are like that, we do bad against each other once in a while, and YEAH rest of the world, sometimes, Edrei and I do have spats ONLINE and go on for weeks without talking to each other.

    But I’ve never kept a scoresheet of your behaviour towards me-loh. How could you?

    Completely irrelevant, but you know what I mean, after all we’ve known each other for so long.

    To go back to the topic, if you didn’t know what I was talking about (my bad, I seem to talk in riddles all the time). Try to link this:

    After all…that is what it is. Nothing can be more satisfying to a blogger when a person reads and shares their thoughts and favourable opinions on their posts. It’s what blogging therapy is about really…especially in regards to personal blogs who put their entire feelings on the line out there for the world to see.

    To this part of my comment, aka, the promo I did for Stalzi:

    I like it when people who have viewpoints that are different than mine come to the site, make their points from an informed position and participate in the give and take that comes out of that with other people in the comment threads. I don’t like it when people with no more knowledge on a subject than any random chicken stroll by, vomit up a gout of nonsense, and try to pass it off as a useful contribution to the discussion. My readership deserves better than to be presented by this kind of crap.

    What does that tell you? While a blogger such as yourself (or myself, perhaps), finds it cathartic to blog about emotions, feelings, sensitive issues and fill an entire post with vulgarities, it doesn’t stop us from banging our heads against the table, or wall, when we meet with trolls and leeches (which I’ve told you about before).

    Now that be simple and said, if we chat on MSN, I beg you not to bring this into our discussions because I sincerely DO NOT want to go into another month-long non-existent ‘cold war’ with you.

    *hugs*

    (shit this comment was long)

  14. Sigh…”brownie points” is always in reference to my favourite novel Anita Blake which I also mention a lot on my blog posts. It’s not meant to literally mean I keep a score sheet on what friends do. If you found it that way, I’m sorry.

    Beside, you have mentioned fence-sitting very…eloquently on MSN, not blog posts. I for one would state that it’s part of real life anyway…so I consider it one of the same no matter where it was said.

    Maybe I can’t see where you’re coming from or don’t find those trolls and leeches as annoying as you find it simply because I don’t get as many comments on my posts as you do regarding topics which I consider very important. It’s hard to paint a picture when no one gives a damn about what you write.

  15. Hmm, you’re looking at blogging from the more personal category. A blog nowadays may not be about getting attention. It might be about sharing knowledge depending on the goal and content driving the website. 🙂

    I’m not sure if attention and marketing would be a pair but I’m pretty sure a blog can’t just be judged because it’s a blog.

    Cheers.

  16. Danny: Yes indeed I am speaking from a personal blog point of view rather than factual blogs which I did mention in my post above. You can’t judge a blog any more than you can judge a person because a blog reflects how a person is. That’s what my post is about. Being who we are in our blogs and the people who avoid us for who we write ourselves as.

  17. sigh…. at least you don’t get leviticans coming into your blog site and say something completely irrelevant and make a fool out of themselves. if that be the only position its fine… but.. they have to pull down my skirt at the same time, and announce it in public.

    It becomes even more hilarious when infact, I was wearing a pair of minishorts beneath. but chickens like that don’t realize it.

    what i’m trying to say is, better the intellectually sound commentors who MAKE sense, than the crap I seem to be getting these days .

  18. Minishorts: It comes with the crowd. The more viewers and commentors you have, the more likely you’re going to have people like that on your site right? It’s just a matter of ratio, unless you want less people to come visit your site. That’s why I don’t have it. No people = no crappy comments inclusive.

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