The Most Expensive Emotion…

What is it about love that inspires such pure hatred and spite? No matter how much you see it, no matter how much you have lived it, it always tears some part of you to see love turn into a twisted version of itself, clinging around us like some second skin we can never shed, turning beauty into a sheer horror within itself.

And watch as we can’t do anything to stop it.

But it is true anyway, how the only thing that can inspire such pure hatred and spite was when it was once truly loved. We’re funny that way in our emotions, to lose something of our desires and turn to despair and desperation that twists and corrupts the sanctity and purity of an emotion to something so self destructive and cataclysmic.

I’ve lived it.

I see you live it as well.

I used to think that love is the most expensive emotion. That with all the price we pay, all the risks we take for something we try so hard to keep and still for the most part, we still lose a great deal of what we thought we found. I used to think that there is no greater price to pay for an emotion than love. But love isn’t the most expensive emotion.

Hate is.

Hate twists and corrupts everything it touches. Hate turns passions in obsession and desires into addiction. Hate feeds on the every failure in memory, every frustration of regret, every moment without a reason to be happy. Hate slowly eats up who you are and turns even the most noble and beautiful of people into a dark empty shadow of who they once were. I should know very well the price of hate.

It’s a constant part of me.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t feel the constant gnawing within my chest and the dull throbbing pain in my head as the voices scream for retribution and vengence. There is not a day that goes by that I see in my head all the what if’s in my past about all the people I should have bled on purpose instead of those I did hurt without my own judgement. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t desperately try to stay in control without blinding myself at the price of my own slowly decaying body.

I don’t think anyone should have to go through this.

Certainly not you.

If anything this thick ugly second skin of mine is going to be a very hard layer to shed, but doesn’t stop me from standing by offering my hand to help you shed that layer of hatred you have for yourself and for the world. The responsibility in bearing with this hate is that you won’t want anyone you care for to spend the rest of their lives living with it.

Slow to love, slow to hurt, slow to heal.

Well…I’ve got all the time in the world.

To stop you from feeling this…I would have all the time in the world.

2 thoughts on “The Most Expensive Emotion…

  1. Try the url above. It’s helped me a lot – I was a very spiteful young woman and never realized it!

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