Sometimes you can’t help being who you are. We are all products of our environment and whatever we react to, is merely our natural instinct. Often without thought or regard for consequences, we are slaves to our own situation regardless of how much we believe in choosing our own roads.
Yet, not all is lost, choices that are mere reactions to events were never the true choices that we make. At the end of it, what still lies in our control is our ability to make conscious decisions on what is inherently good and what’s ultimately evil. Not that the two opposing roads are objective choices in the first place, but they are one of the few things that we can control that leads to something more than just an effect of a cause.
I have made many choices. Some are ones that lead to more problems, some, ultimate are better choices. Whatever choice now that I make now to deal with the monumental task at hand, I know, I shouldn’t apologize for. Some things have are too big to just take the road most traveled. As such, some choices, while not necessarily good, are for the better. My only regret is that those choices aren’t always understood by people, even the people that were once closest to you.
My only solace is that at the end of this, I hold with me a little peace of mind and of heart. While selfish choices never seem like the right thing to do, it still goes back to our motives and what’s important in the long term. You call it pushing you away. I call it saving myself so you can see me again. We can only argue the schematics of our perspectives, it doesn’t make it any right.
Then again, it doesn’t mean we were wrong about it either.