What You Would Sacrifice In Love

"I feel bad that you've changed me in so many ways and I haven't done anything to you in return."

"Oh yes you have."

"What did I do?"

"I never knew I could fall so hard for someone until I fell in love with you."

Being in a relationship is undoubtedly about change. You change your lifestyle, your habits and even your sense of self. When you look at things that way, it's no surprise that a lot of people want to remain single. For many of us including Mel and me, losing that sense of self, losing who we are to the people we love is one of the most frightening things you could take a leap of faith in.

Relationships are usually about the give and take. What you give away as part of yourself, in return you take what you lack from it. While exuberance and the nativity of youth compels some of us us to willingly try too hard for the sake of the person we love, at the end of it, that kind of self sacrifice for a relationship that has no certainty breeds bitterness of discontent.

While we may argue that we have done it all for the sake of love, eventually you lose who you are in the process. You become something other than the person that the one you care for even loves. There are fine lines between generosity, sacrifice and crazy. Even if we sacrifice part of ourselves for the sake of love, we have to take care not to cross the lines of crazy. After all, sacrifice without getting nothing in return is a sacrifice in vain. No matter how much we say we do it for love, we're still human. We cannot live without the parts of ourselves that make us who we really are. What then is the point of love if you can't live life the way you are?

Then again, I'm not discouraging anyone from being in a relationship or telling anyone that they should date people. It's just that after what I've been through before, A relationship shouldn't be for the sake of the other person. Neither should it be one where you look after yourself first. A relationship of this magnitude should be done for the sake of both of you. Not just for one or the other, but the people involved in it.

Sacrifices shouldn't always be thought off as sacrifices but merely giving up parts of yourself to receive something greater in return. At the same time, expect nothing in return from what you give and accept the deeds that come your way. Putting this into practice doesn't always work, but understanding this helps in the fact that even the most unlikely of pairs can have something to share among themselves.

The rest of it is just hard work. Then again, who said relationships were easy anyway?

3 Comments

  • November 28, 2007 - 10:40 | Permalink

    Good observation for this one. Scarily enough, I think you’ve just described my current relationship too.

  • November 28, 2007 - 11:03 | Permalink

    In my first relationship, all I cared for was myself. Call it retribution, but the next one to come, all I cared for was him, and I got nothing in return. I sacrificed my principles, my integrity to be with a man whom I thought would love me and only me, and in return, I ended up with nothing but scars.

    A relationship should be two-way. Changing of lifestyle, habit, etc in BOTH parties in a healthy way could be a good thing, if you complement each other because of the change. If not, then it’s not worth it.

  • November 28, 2007 - 21:49 | Permalink

    Silly Pat: I think I described a majority of all relationships. :)

    Tine: Or one side needs to mature a little. I’ve often found that it’s not that it isn’t worth, it’s that sometimes we just don’t realize what we’re doing because we know no better. Even if you’re a match made in heaven, keeping a relationship is harder than starting one. Most people foul up the former because they don’t know how to go about it. That’s where it matters the most.

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