One of my favourite reads, Jeff touched something in his recent post that I know too well. There exists people like us in the world where our sense of comfort and belonging walk through darkness more than of light. Where the world that we know and live by, happiness is a luxury that works for others, save for ourselves.
Yet Jeff’s final question is an important one. One that defines where a person stands on that knife’s edge of moving forward or standing still. If our pain and melancholy is what drives us to do greater things, then does happiness inspire us to do just as much? The simple answer to a simple question is, I don’t know. Probably not for me.
I have written before that in our chaos and turbulence, in our darkness and our cries, we have become more than just stereotypes for the emotionally depressed. For those of us who were willing to undertake that Arthurian quest for redemption, salvation and a little peace and quiet, understands, even it not all too clearly, that in our suffering, lies the candle in the dark and a guiding hand for those who have lost their way from their bright place.
Yet in that light, shown ever so briefly between the parted clouds, I am paralysed by it’s warmth and radiance. In happiness, I can do nothing but bask in the enveloping comfort and peace that lasts in an eternity of a moment. In that peace, so vanishes the reasons for pushing farther than I could ever thought possible. In that peace, there is no further need for inspiration. In that peace, that happiness and joy, I feel complete.
So maybe, just maybe, there is a large chunk of myself that understands, while happiness does exist for people like us, I am more compelled to stay in that darkness. Not because I want to prove to the world that my black cat is blacker than yours, but because there is a serenity, epiphany and drive that comes in accepting in yourself that you see the world better in the dark than you do in the light. That you do more good for yourself and for others, by living in a world that you’ve traversed all your life, than a world that you know will finalise your life.
Maybe, just maybe, in our darkness, holds an understand and appreciation for the light. A wisdom taken for granted by those that walk in it. In our darkness we can impart what it means to be alive and share what it means to be a friend. In our darkness we are whole, even if in light, we are complete. In our darkness, is the strength to accomplish more than can ever be done.
Once upon a time, I wanted this darkness to end. Now, I just want to postpone the coming light a while longer. After all, there is just so much in the world to do. You might as well appreciate it from a world where you can do so much more, than a world where there is nothing left to do, but marvel at it’s beauty and magnificence from now till the end of time.