Would You Date A 9ruler?

My conversations with a sick Cas late last night brought up a very interesting topic that went about something like this:

“Would you date a 9ruler?”

“That’s more pertinent than you think and it depends.”


“The 9ruler and whether I could get them to sign the official secrets act.”

So would you date a 9ruler? Or for those of you who still don’t know what 9rules is (shame on you), would you date a blogger? Because the way I see it, being with bloggers does raise a certain amount of privacy complications. Despite my narcissism over the matter, I do find a need to protect Mel’s privacy in my own blog, not for my sake, but hers. She isn’t a blogger and she certainly isn’t someone who likes the limelight. So whatever I write has to balance between my need for expression and her needs for anonymity.

Not to say that it isn’t possible. I just think that because blogging is about the expression of ones self and since being anonymous or cryptic opposes that, to be free to express how you feel and still keep the matters utterly private isn’t just hallmark of a good blogger. It’s hallmark of a good writer, one that many have yet to achieve, myself included.

Yet, on the other end of the extreme, it is entirely possible for two bloggers to get together like some of my friends. For them, the matter solely boils down to trust and acceptance. How much do you trust your partner to keep certain things private? How acceptable can one be towards the possibility that some moments are shared with the world? More so on personal blogs where bliss and problems are expressed in the moments we experience them.

To make matters a little more complicated, what about casual dates? Would you blog about good they are or how bored you were? Would you respect that privacy and not blog about it? Or would you just do the cryptic thing again?

Too many questions, too little answers. Yet it all boils down to the simple matter of common sense. When is it good etiquette to say “Alright, no blogging about this”? Even if you don’t mind the public light, there are a lot of people that would rather eat a dead slug than have their names plastered on the net. Trust and acceptance is a rare thing to come by in this world and not all of us are lucky enough to have the people we date being alright with this mode of expression. More often than not, we just have to keep it that way, not for our sakes, but for theirs.

So given that thought, would you still date a blogger? Or lets try taking it a little higher with bloggers who are good at what they do. Would you still date a 9ruler?

15 thoughts on “Would You Date A 9ruler?

  1. ha! My situation is slightly different: my boyfriend Mark and I are about to start a blog together. We’re both web geeks, and he’s got plenty of web projects that he wants to put online, so tada – joint website.

    To be honest, while we do spend a good amount of time together futsing about the Internet, we don’t think about “hey, are you blogging this??” or whatever. There are things I keep private or friends-only (my blog is largely a way to get in touch with friends) if I really need to talk to someone. But I do share my lovelife, and he doesn’t mind.

    Besides, when we’re together, we’re too caught up with other things to think about blogging… 😉

  2. Sorry, don’t know what a 9ruler is.
    Even with the link, still don’t know what it is.
    I guess I am not part of the ‘elite’ society

  3. I don’t see how dating a blogger is any different than dating someone who does not blog or use the internet much at all.

    If people want to talk about their boyfriend or girlfriend they’re going to talk about them regardless of whether it’s in a blog or not.

    I do think people tend to limit what they say “in real life” more so than in their online journals. Probably more truth comes out in a blog.

    For me it would maybe boil down to if they censor or do not approve my comments. On their blog. If my girlfriend is going to comment about our relationship, I would like to be able to post my opinions or perspective. 🙂

  4. (To pretty much carbon copy the comment I left on your note):

    Woot! I inspired a post. That’s a first.

    Taking the “would you date any blogger?” question first I would agree on the need for trust. So long as you understand and respect the boundaries, I really don’t mind if the other person is a blogger or not.

    In fact, that’s true for any relationship with a blogger from simple friend, to relative, to significant other. I have friends who don’t want to be blogged about, so I don’t blog about them. Other friends have said it’s ok to talk about them so long as I use a pseudonym. Most however take a perverse glee in being blogged about, relishing their blog names and jumping whole heartedly into the experience. It’s not unusual to be on a night out and one to go “Oh, you HAVE to blog about that!” or, conversely “You blog about this and I will never make you another cup of tea so long as you live”.

    Somethings (the gory details of a date however) should remain private, at least for a while, I feel. Personally I go for discretion in that respect. If I wouldn’t tell my mates over a cup of tea, then the chances are I won’t blog about it. If the other person read my blog, and you can never be sure who does/doesn’t, I would hate for them to find out I thought they were dull from my blog before I had a chance to tell them.

    Dating another 9ruler however… There’s it’s slightly different in that 9rules is a close community and could easily be equated with a circle of friends. There’s always that thought lurking in the back of your brain that goes “and what happens when it all goes a bit pear shaped? Am I going to have to leave 9rules in disgust? Will I be able to restrain myself from being rude about the other person?” Or, of course, there’s the pressure of “what if it goes really well? Am I going to get thrown out of 9rules because I have become so disgustingly partisan and lovey-dovey?”

    It could happen!

    Also there would be the pressure that you were dating the “best”, a member of the elite. Could two such egos ever be content to date each other? Or could such a one be content to date a lesser mortal?

    I, of course, over analyze things far too much, which might go some way to explaining why I am still single, much to the confusion of all parties concerned.

    The simplest answer is still this: It depends on the 9ruler 😉

  5. Tiara: Well, you got the better end of the deal haven’t you? You’re dating a blogger but neither of you really put stock into blogging the way some of us do. I mean it as some people make take it as a serious hobby…or even a little too seriously. So their personal expression might be a tad bit more…expressive either way. Doesn’t work well if the other person is a normal human being or they would like to be normal human beings. 😛

    Nick: Well, then again you have to consider that a blog is going to read by more people than just you mentioning your relationship to a few friends. A lot of people can be a little…uncomfortable with that fact. Especially if pictures are involved as well.

    Cas: Always a problem when you go out with one of the gang. That issue of if things go sour always takes the cake. But why in the world would you get thrown out because you became disgustingly partisan and lovey dovey? Besides, I think that’s why Zeus kept going down to visit the mortals, something about content with not butting heads with other Gods and their egos. Poor Zeus. Ahh well…I guess it depends on the Gods 9rulers then. 😛

  6. Interesting question. I’d date a blogger, as long as they used some common sense in their blogging. In other words, it boils down to trust. I wouldn’t want every little personal detail of my life spilled on the internet, at least not without me approving each detail being shared, but on the other hand, I wouldn’t care being blogged about in general. So, I guess my answer is like those of the other commenters: it depends. If I trust them and they have a bit of common sense… sure.

  7. Sure I would date a 9ruler, but only the girls.

    And now back to reality. With, what, about 350 9rulers currently in the network and perhaps 200-300 joining us soon, chances I’d meet one are very slim. 1/2K people in the world!? I don’t it’s going to happen to me here. I’d be lucky to meet people who actually know what blogging really is in the first place, let alone they have any grasp of networks or communities.

    If it happened, I’d blog it, but only if it’s interesting enough. Good question.

  8. i’ve had people be cautions and avoid me because of my blog – they like remaining anonymous.

    it was only till later that they discovered i normally do try to be careful with what i say on my blog – despite how it looks. and i’ve yet to (consciously, maliciously) post anything that people have expressed reservation over (except about 3 times under friends only because i thought it was funny and wanted to remember them, harmless occasions otherwise).

    if it’s something that I think people might be shy about, i generally ask before posting their names on my blog (unless it’s a large gathering, then screw it). the same applies for photos unless it was at an event.

    and i definitely don’t post up anything people ask me not to – it’s my blog, but not my privacy to intrude upon.

  9. Josh: Though that can be hard if you just barely know someone you met on a first date won’t it?

    Nils: Hey who knows? It’s a small world, more often than not people tend to relate posting such details online as a lack of privacy, but then again…you may be right that some people can’t grasp the entire picture all the same.

    Lainie: What about what Nils was referring to? Unless all your friends know you have a blog and what blogging really does, what about those that don’t understand the power of blogging? What about you? Do you have any qualms about your relationships being put online by other people? What if you date a serial blogger. Hey…what if you dated me (haha, highly unlikely, but there’s a thought)?

    Chibster: Because it wasn’t for long, and he doesn’t blog that much so you can’t really tell how much it would affect you in terms of intimacy and privacy?

  10. i think you mean Mel “needs her privacy” not anonymity, becos you’ve named her and you have photos of her in your blog. that doesn’t quite constitute anonymity anymore actually.

    i think there’s also no difference to dating a blogger as its also being friends with a blogger. i believe the bottomline is respect for people.

  11. Actually I meant what I said by saying she wants anonymity. But you’re right, since I’ve already put it, there is that compromise there. The only thing I can give her now is privacy.

    Bottom line being respect is true. But I think there is a difference, especially in regards to intimacy being expressed. How much is too much? That remains one best answered by common sense.

  12. It seems like everyone now has a blog. And they are blogging about everything. I am the kind of person, even though I do blog– there are parts that I keep very private. Wait, what am I saying!? No, really. It’s true. I think if I were dating a blogger, or even a 9ruler (I don’t know the chance of that happening) I’d hope parts of our relationship would be secretative. Unless I meet some moron who’s all about himself and just likes to brag about all the awesome things we do together, etc… but with the question– yeah I’d date a 9ruler. It doesn’t matter to me. 9ruler or not, as long as they have a funny personality, I’m down.

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