Almost everyone I once knew now seem like strangers. There is a certain sense of disconnected reality from the life I was once a part off that now comes off as either immature or just plain pointless altogether. It’s understandable that a life you once were a part off could shape the person you are now, but the seperation from what I deperately tried so hard to associate myself with in the years and months before seem inconsequential to what I have become. Should I be grateful to the shallow reaches of a culture built on the who you know and what you have right now?
The most straight-forward answer would be no.
The most honest answer would be yes.
The most practical answer would be that it doesn’t matter.
Yet given this sense of freedom from needing to be with those that seem to swim the waves of popularity, maybe it isn’t about connecting with just any crowd to feel the sense of belonging I’ve always wished so hard on lonely nights. Not just any crowd, but just for those moments in life that I am who I am, to connect with the right crowd. Easier said than done, but at least now I know I’ve been facing the wrong direction.
Maybe then I can feel part of something in spite of the world that I thread gently upon. Maybe at the end of it, that part of the world can feel something in spite of myself. Maybe looking in the right direction isn’t enough…but it’s one of many ways to start with something other than the mistakes that I’ve been running in circles around for so long.