After a year of waiting, my blog finally got reviewed on The Weblog Review. Even though it’s kinda mixed in opnions, I don’t know…I feel kinda disappointed in the fact that the design stood in the way of a better review. I know I’m probably taking things like this too seriously. Just that I thought I might have a shot at proving I’m good at something that’s all and I guess, what’s done is done and its not like it should matter.
I guess it all boils down to the all the insecurities of the person I am. When I look at the cards I’m dealt with, the situations I’m pkaced in and the eventual outcome of my own hand, I can pretty much say there isn’t anything much I shoud be dwelling about. In any case, everything always comes right back to where it starts and all the sweat, all that blood and all the tears are just to maintain the delicate balance between the consuming insanity and the eternal bliss that I thread upon.
Between heaven and hell is the tightrope I walk across.
It would sound so cool if it wasn’t so terrifying all the time.
Maybe it’s the fact that when I take a look around and I see the good things that people are starting to have around me, I can’t help but feel a little bit jealous…though in a good way though.
Don’t get me wrong.
I bear no ill will to those people who have it good. I mean, seriously, some of these people are my friends…people I know for a long time. People whom I know to be good people who have in their ways stuck with me despite my often inexplicable eccentricity. People who have about time the opportunity to hold on to something every one of us strive for.
So why shouldn’t I laugh along with them?
It’ll just give me another reason to work harder at what I want that’s all. All any person ever really wants is to be appreciated and acknowledge for the things he can do, not just for 15 minutes, but for the rest of his life by the people he considers his peers and by the person he loves.
And maybe I’m just a little scared that I’ll never be able to reach that given that everything I can afford to do is just so I don’t go straight down to hell anyway. I’m not even sure I have enough strength to climb to the top by myself. All I can do is just to concentrate on the line ahead of me without worrying about whatever is going to be tossed at me next.
If there is a time I really need a hand to hold on to, I’m guessing that time would be now.
But just my luck…the only hand left around is attached to my other arm.
It sure feels cold when you’re the odd one out.
It sure feels very very cold.